comment please

i wonder if my comment thingie down there (look up!not down there as in below u!it's at the bottom of each of my post!) is working...i tried and it seemed to not correspond to my gentle touch (err more like hammer fist)...anyhow, i'm not sure whether it is working or not, so, please, i plead in supplication to all of my around 5 daily gentle-readers, can u tell me whether the comment section is working by leaving a 'this thing is actually working!' message to me at the comment section here?or if it's not, would u be ever so nice and email me at hmoh024@aucklanduni.ac.nz?thanks!love u muah muah!


p/s: this may seemed like a very subtle hint for u guys to comment but i swear to god i'm not dropping hints left and right for u guys to leave me some words!i swear!don't need to feel forced to respond to my posts!

modern dilemma

a brand new month brings brand new things, err, issues to think about...the means, more to scribble on...a new (actually not so new) issue is internet connection in new zealand, specifically auckland, more specifically any address in auckland cbd i've lived so far....internet in auckland is akin to diamond, gold or other precious, ultra-crazily-expensive stones...while u can use almost unlimited amount of fast connecting internet almost everywhere in developed and developing nations, new zealand brings a new meaning to the word 'stingy'...


let me explain here...while in malaysia internet is still stuck in 1998 era (slow 'broadband' connection, almost non-existent sometimes, as it goes on and off at will...don't forget bad customer service, let's call it dummy customer service, it is just there for the internet service provider to say 'hey, we have effing-customer-service if u need any help!'), people still can use unlimited internet (u just need patience)...here in new zealand, while internet is relatively fast (while may not be as fast as say japan or america, it is still darned fast), we have this frustrating-and-mind-numbing thing called 'capping'....capping is defined as limited amount of internet...


capping means if u pay for, say a 5 GB monthly plan, then u are allowed to use almost (not even f***ing 5 GB for god's sake!) 5 GB of internet flow monthly...if u exceeded ur quota, then the internet provider will revert your connection to a dial-up speed until that month ends...that means - u are stuck in the 1990's internet matey!...or pay more for more bandwidth...towards the middle of the month i always feel like banging my head to my glass window, shouting 'why god do these torturers (aka internet service providers) want my pounds of flesh???why god, why???', until i bleed to death and someone notices and decide that internet is unlimited as a dedication to moi...then, i'll rise from the dead and become a happy resemblance of human again...


anyway, the capping is one thing, the price of one plan is another thing...i used to live in apartments that don't allow outside internet services...that means i had to use theirs...that means they skin us, the renters, and we have to swallow it and smile...i remember a 1 GB weekly plan (check that out - WEEKLY, i repeat, WEEKLY, as in seven 24 hours - ladies and gentlemen) is $10....that equals to $40 for a month...that's so absurd, i can't even snort 'absurd' in the building receptionists' faces...and that's the cheapest plan there is for an individual room...1 GB means about 3 hours of youtube and u r a goner...don't even let me go on and on on my other apartments' internet so-called-best-plans...they suck our aucklanders' blood dry....


the moral of the story here, while internet is darned-it-i-almost-hate-my-life, we are 21st centuries creatures...almost 90% of us are dependent on internet (let's just say this is a modern addiction, apart from mp3 and latest mobile phones)....we breathe internet...we'd rather cut off some of our food budget just to get more internet...so...being a modern being with limited means in auckland sucks sometimes....

i hate pain!

what's worse than bleeding nose is bloody headache...i was assigned to go to tauranga to fetch high school kids for the auckland uni's courses and careers day on last friday...we were sent by bus and it was supposed to take around 3 hours and 50 minutes to get there (but it took a well bloody 4 hours and a quarter!)...luckily i had malisha and dora with me on this trip so it wasn't that bad...dora was very adorable and malisha was very talkative...we departed at 615 pm so i had to break my fast real fast before i get on board...i also received my hershey's caramel on that very friday so i shared them with dora and malisha on the bus...


for that (chocolate gorging on an almost empty tummy while traveling on a bumpy road), i get a massive bloody headache...i was nauseous and felt like throwing up the just-eaten-chocs-and-peanut-butter-sweets...i felt like i was dying (and would prefer to die rather than suffer the massive fist squeezing my brain every 2 seconds)...i hate headache...i blamed it on the hershey's...they are bad for u!the moral of the story here, i have this ongoing laceration in my right nose, it is real bad and painful...but, headache is listed first in my list of the-most-painful-thing-in-this-side-of-my-reality so far...dying would be worse but yeah, i'm still alive, so that list stands for now...


p/s: headache is bloody so yeah, bloody goes with headache...err...

serious time - i am malay and a malaysian

okay bear with me....this is going to be the last post for a while (most probably!)...i'm intrigued by dr. m's quirky and thought-provoking blog...his blog is very simple...his words are very simple...his messages are not...but one thing that grabbed my attention, this time particularly, is related to racism...coming from malaysia and living in auckland for almost 4 years, i've come to appreciate the differences between different ethnicities...


it is indeed very difficult to say we are impartial and we are against racism...truly...we are partial to our own root, even subconciously...root meaning that in whatever culture we are brought up in, to which we feel belonged to and most identified with...it doesn't necessarily means out race...race is the herediatry genetic make up we are born with, something that cannot be erased no matter how thin our blood is (no matter how many times removed u are from one race, u are still partially that race if u have ancestor who is)....


what truly makes a whole lot of difference is our ethnicity...that's what i've learned over and over again in my population health and psychology classes here in auckland...this point never fails to impress me...i am a malay, race-wise...no doubt about it...my baba and mama are pure malay (may have lots of mixed heritage like chinese and some others)...i may have some ancestors who are chinese or some other races but i've lived like a malay...i speak malay...i eat malay food...i live like an average malay (okay citified, crazy version of malay culture)...i identify myself with the rest of malays...but i am also a malaysian...i live like a malaysian...i go out karaoke-ing and eat at mamak restaurants and tapau food (have doggy-bag for leftovers).... for that i am also a malaysian., not just a malay..i have a friend, stacey who is half samoan and half chinese...she identify herself as such as she is brought up in a typical samoan culture but she is also taught some chinese culture by her parent...i have another friend christina...she is a chinese but since she's lived here in nz for so long, she identifies herself as a kiwi...so there u have it, race and ethnicity are different....


my point here, we can't escape who we are...and to some degrees, we may have thoughts of how our race or ethicity in general is better or worse than others...and we may accept or reject our backgrounds, but we still who we are...we can be more than our race, we can belong to more eth nicity....clinging to our race and believing that we are the very best, that's where racisim is born...sometimes, we think that our race or ethnicity is better and we vehemently reject others...the difference is how tolerant we are and how we try to understand other cultures and accept the fact that they are different people out there...that's what make u a racist or not...


it's not possible to be 100% blindly accepting of other cultures and disregard our own after 20 years of upbringing...if u hate other cultures, sight unseen nor understood, and without deeper knowledge of how relatively different and similar they are to our own, then u are clearly a racist...if u do have deep knowledge and still hate them and show it too, u are clearly a major racist and in trouble...it means u never even try to put urself in their shoes and be tolerant (and that is degrees lower than understanding, means u don't even try to tolerate, let alone understand)....


i admit as a malay malaysian in auckland, i have a fair number of non malay and non malaysian close friends...i hang out with them, eat with them, talk to them...and try to understand them...i love our differences and similarities (similarities do exist across cultures, we just have to pay attention)...i may not sing my cultural song to reflect what i am feeling in formal occasions like graduation ceremony or walk barefoot along the street in summer, but i do understand their meanings and logic behind it...sometimes culture has no logic...it is just is...something passed over through generations, a relic of a past....


my whole point of this long winded rambling is, we can't erase our identity and try to be another race altogether...that takes time...a very long time...probably forever...and i don't even want to be another race...i'm comfortable where i am, being who i am...i am a malay and i am also a malaysian...one doesn't preclude the other...i admit my race's failings and triumphs...we have our share of them...but to deny my heritage and be a whole new other person, that's something that i would never choose...kiwi, asian, chinese, malay, caucasian, tongan, samoan, maori and any other races, we are born as what race we belong to and brought up as what ethnicity we feel close to...


things like white supremacy still reigns (noticed this especially after some lecturers accidently slipped, making statements like 'yes, the whites are more cleverer' and then behaving as if apologetic and thinks that the rest of us are stupid and doesn't actually understand that)...no matter where u go, even to a peaceful (relatively) countries like america, malaysia, new zealand and australia, racism still exists and will probably exist until the world ends...acccept this and we will all be better off....the main difference is how we handle this...eradicating our own race is not the way to deal with this issue...of that, i am convinced...

iftar

i'm in my full blogging mode...i just want to waste time (even though got so many things to do T_T) and write and write...now i'd like to share what dora, yaya and i made for iftar yesterday...after 5 minutes of deliberation by yaya (this was after i got back from my career day training at 1.30 pm), we decided to make yummy quiche, chicken rice (just the rice, our version), grilled tandoori chicken, garlic mash and onion gravy...yaya and dora generously provided all the materials for cooking (well except for the gravy powder i got at home, ground pepper and the quiche dish, which didn't count)...


we went for a shopping expedition at foodtown...i did say i'd go back to my own place after iftar but alas, i'm still at dora and yaya's... i don't even begin to understand how small my resistance against their combined logic of staying over yesterday night...anyway, i fell asleep really early (maybe around 9.30 pm) and woke up at around 12 am...and had a splitting headache, that i couldn't go back to sleep peacefully...that leads me here, blogging away...


anyway, the food was plentiful and good...i especially love the garlic mash and onion gravy...typical to like the smallest amount dish of all...i guess the more unavailable something is, the more attractive the item is....yaya's tandoori chicken was tender, spicy and especially tasty...overall, all of us ate well and got stuck to the chair like a bunch of beached whales after iftar...moral of the story here, we love food, dora, yaya and i, and we love eating...and we wasted time talking after iftar instead of speedily doing our maghrib prayer...huhu...and noticeably absent is vegetable, one of the most important part of a healty diet...

just want to share

one of my favourites of all time...loved it since 2006...timeless by xiah junsu of dbsk and jang ri in (zhang li yin):

and yes, there are 2 versions of this video...this is the second one:

and this song is originally sung by kelly clarkson and justin guarini...this korean version is no worse or better...i just love the sadder lyrics and great videos...i love kelly and justin version, don't mistake me, but this version videos just bowled me over...ah and the fact that there are beautiful men like choi shiwon and hang kyung of super junior in the videos doesn't hurt either ^^

we are the product of our upbringing...

i learned clearly that alin is taking a destructive path of following jaja and gegel's footsteps...in case u are wondering, alin, jaja and gegel are my younger sisters...the way she respond to me is almost to eerily similar to jaja and gegel that it's super scary...whenever i call and relay on some random stories, she'll be like 'riggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhht................' and then one pregnant pause....then, 'moving on.....'...yeah...she treated me like i'm a child in need of attention...well....i may act like one, a child i mean, but i'm still her loveable eldest sister...it's very frustrating when all of ur younger siblings are irreverent of u...and alin is definitely learning well (and taking unnecessary cue from jaja and gegel)...


anyway, i noticed i quote mama a lot...whether it's her advice, philosophy on life in general and her cooking, i quote her well....it seems like mama's pearl of wisdom is golden to me...all of her established rules like how fish asam pedas goes well with fried chicken, not chicken in soy sauce, is like gospel to me...funny we follow our parents or those who brought us up really closely subconsciously to some extent...i love mama and her quirky sense of the world, don't mistake me...but all this claim that i am coming into my own woman, it's true but really my family makes up a lot of my sense of self...my religion, family and friends...i am a truly lucky person...

in celebration of this ramadhan, i'd like to give thanks to Allah SWT for all of my blessings and i pray for forgiveness, strength and health to all whom i know and love...

ramadhan mubarak

tomorrow (saturday, 22 august 2009) all muslims and muslimahs in new zealand and malaysia (and probably in a lot of other countries all over the world) will be starting our fasting month, the ramadhan....ramadhan is coming and welcomed with open arms...i love ramadhan....i have great memories of ramadhan and this month generally encourages a lot of people to do more good deeds...anyway, i don't have many things to say for now....i would like to wish all muslim and muslimah all around the world:

**ramadhan mubarak**

and to fazan, be strong...i'll be praying for you!keep your faith!

what's up?!

when i have nothing so say, it means i have nothing to say...it doesn't mean that i have nothing to write...i can write about nothing for pages long...and make it as if it's 20 different subjects....*sigh*...i'm too bored with life right now...many work to do, many things to catch up...still...need to write something... my life is so inspiration-less right now...let me think for 3 seconds...hmm....


yeah, i found out that the cheap bakery at grafton sells this delish vegetarian pie!it was so yummy it literally melts in my mouth!thanks nia for the pie!next is my turn!next topic, i'm a squatter at dora and yaya's place now...i visit my dear abode around every 2 days...missed my bed...i've been living as an 'illegal alien' at dora and yaya's place for almost 2 weeks now!dora's probably bored looking at my good-lookin' face by now and might have feel that she wanted to boot me out soon ^^


anyway, i'm happy that mama bought me a set baju raya this year (like every other year)...nenek maridah (my favourite granny!) also made me a set of baju raya, in blue...mama said she wanted to have a purple theme this year for all of us ^^ ...that's jaja's favourite colour...anyway, the news is big coz mama rarely offer to post something for me...i love u mama and nenek maridah, dearly and forever!


these days i haven't got the time to go out hang out with friends...i miss my weekly gossip-dinner time with rachel...i miss going out to get dinner/bubble tea/shopping with evie and nicole (yeah i'm pretty sure i'm all 'shopped' out but hey, i really really need retail therapy now!did i tell u i bought these fantabulous witchery cream wedgie espardrille, so happy to have the bragging right to it!)...all of us seem busy these days...and broke...and depressed...and sad...


shout out to all of my friends out there!be happy - to:

put, farah, dora, yaya, amin, fazan, choon wei, nia, rachel, joyce, christina, janus (miss talking to u so much!u always go offline so soon!can't wait to see u in december!!!), evie, nicole, jessie, megu, indah, kak tun, gaurav, stacey, jae, christina (both stacey and jae seemed to be incommunicado these days!) (all in no particular order!if i miss someone, don't be offended!don't mean to leave ur name off!)

reality may seem too much but there were and will be days when everything is pure happiness!remember that!

cokelat - jauh

my latest favourite song ^^ (and my amateurish translation, bear with me)

Cokelat - Jauh (Far Away)

Hari ku lalui
I spend the day
Tanpa hadirmu lagi
Without your presence anymore
Ku coba ingkari sepi ini
I've tried to ignore this loneliness
Mengapa terjadi
Why does this happened
Hancur kau akhiri
You ending it, destroying
Satu kata janji
One promised word
Tak kembali
Not coming back

Seribu tanya sesak di dada
A thousand questions crowding in my heart
Haruskah bimbang meraja
Should worry enthroned
Lelah tepis harapanku
My hope is weary and ignored
Sendiri mencari bayangmu
Alone, looking for your shadow

Ku tunggu dirimu selalu
I'm always waiting for you
Ku tunggu
I'm waiting
Walaupun
Even though
Ku tahu kau jauh
I know you're far away
Ku tahu kau jauh
I know you're far away

Biarlah semua
Let everything be
Seperti apa adanya
As it is
Ku terus mencoba
I have to try
Relakannya
To accept it
Satu yang ku minta
One thing I'm asking for
Kembalilah padanya
Return to her
Ku tahu disana ada dia
I know she is there

Ku tunggu dirimu selalu
I'm always waiting for you
Ku tunggu
I'm waiting
Walaupun
Even though
Ku tahu kau jauh
I know you're far away
Ku tahu kau jauh
I know you're far away

Seribu tanya sesak di dada
A thousand questions crowding in my heart
Haruskah bimbang meraja
Should worry enthroned
Lelah tepis harapanku
My hope is weary and ignored
Sendiri mencari bayangmu
Alone, looking for your shadow

Ku tunggu dirimu selalu
I'm always waiting for you
Ku tunggu
I'm waiting
Walaupun
Even though
Ku tahu kau jauh
I know you're far away
Ku tahu kau jauh
I know you're far away

Cokelat - Jauh

when i think about the lyrics of this song, it sounds so useless to pine away when he seemed happy with his other half and so unreachable (implied by the lyrics)...it sounds sad and hopeless somehow...i love it!i hope i will never have to give up my loved ones but real life doesn't work that way...*sigh*...this song sings straight to my heart...i'm such a hopeless romantic...

nara?dania tania?

how many ways can a baby's name be bungled up by 2 people?from what i've heard from mama and baba about 3-4 hours ago, my cousin boy and his wife have a new baby girl...mama rhapsodized about the baby's cuteness for indeterminable minutes and when i could finally put in words edgewise and asked for the baby's name, she came out with a lot of variations:

dania, tania dalmia, tania dania, tamia deniah etc (somehow all of these sound like a dog breed/pasta sauce that can be found everywhere here in auckland, very doubtful)

then i get to asked baba about the baby's name, u know, just in case he remembers it more correctly, he promptly came out with:

nara (this doesn't even have any rhyme or reason to mama's variations, not even close, and baba didn't even try to remember...he just popped that name out of thin air...he must've thought 'yes, this sounds about right, nara it is!', just to placate me)

those 2 variations clash like purple top and red skirt...how can a name be funnied up so crazily it's unrecognisable???that's my mama and baba....

who, me?

it's hard to pin blame on people when eventually u know that it's ur own darned fault (with the texan accent please, u know, the 'darned' part)...i have an addiction (a confession???)...to dexter...u know the tv series...each season comprised of 12 episodes and the latest season, season 4, is going to be aired soon in america...i can actually say it's yaya and dora's fault...they were looking for movies to copy from ainn/amir's external hard drive and i was curious enough to check what ainn/amir has in her/his drive...dexter stood out coz i remember jaja or gegel loving this series...


then i got on watching the first episode...then the next...after that, the after...and so on...it's like a malicious virus...it's virulent....i can also blame this addiction to ainn/amir...if they haven't lent out their external, i wouldn't even thought of watching dexter...i was in my 'drama rut' these last few weeks since i had seemed to lost interest in new dramas...but alas, my addiction is back...i can actually say it's jaja/gegel's fault too...someone mentioned that this series is intriguing and i have to start watching it...in the end, it is me and only me who watch dexter...so, the moral of the story here, don't watch dexter...seriously...it's such an awesome drama, u seem to get glued to ur screen until u watch all of the episodes...*pst pst, just in case u r interested what dexter is all about, click on the link of dexter above, and try watching the first episode!hehehe*

the generous moi

i didn't know i have a streak of generosity a mile wide...when i was small (it's well established that a general social trait must be instilled when one's still a child, it'll last longer that way *shrug*) i used to offer my second sister, gegel to anyone who thought she was so darned cute and adorable...i even agreed for a trade-up for a bunch of white cotton-tailed rabbits with this cuddly-bear uncle who was so fond of gegel (i don't remember him exactly but i really remember the rabbits)...


gegel was a very very adorable baby and child...she was chubby, cute, with atypical bronze and golden-like tufts of hair and very clear milky white skin...this is in fact quite amazing, comparing gegel when she was a baby to jaja or i as babies...she was like a caucasian baby, very desirable to lots of asian/malay parents...i really secretly thought there was some mistake at the hospital she was born and mama got the wrong baby....but alas, when she grew up, she kinda share similar facial features to the rest of us, conforming there is no mistaken babies trade....but the main story here, i remember i used to offer her to anyone who expressed any slight interest...i am indeed very generous...let's hope gegel would also be generous to me and not murder me when i'm asleep...

mary, mary, quite contrary...

or a newly revised version: harley, harley, quite contrary...women are fickle and contrary creature...god creates us to confound the other half of the population...at least, in my case, this is exactly true...i'm a contrary person, not only confusing the better half of the society (let them think that) but also my bretheren...this is to say i do things in a crazy different way...


usually, i'll be so hungry, i go to sleep eating nothing, promising myself a better tomorrow (somehow sound pathetic, i know, but too lazy to cook & to miserly to buy food)...i always eat at night, usually after class...if i don't cook, i eat whatever i have in hand, or go hungry...sometimes, it's the other way round...i have tons of food (u know, time of the month...not menstrual, allowance time!!!) and i am very motivated to cook...that equals eating too much until my tummy feels all stretched out to the max and at the edge of bursting...like now....


the moral of the story here, i should learn to live moderately...alas, life doesn't always be that perfect...and to end today's ramblings, i feel alone T_T...evie's staying at jessie's coz she's out partying and megu went out in the evening and has yet to come back...it's like a flashback of my holidays...they desert me, traitors!hahahaha....nah...i should go shower, study and sleep (in the order)....


p/s: to answer nicole's twice asked question - 'will u come clubbing with us (with the rest of the gang)?'...my answer - 'interesting question nicole'

pp/s (is there such thing???): did go and buy perfume....err 2 perfumes...escada ocean lounge & hugo boss xx for women...and some other things *shifty eyes*...getting poorer by seconds...yesterday, bought fish n chips n taro slushy (at least shared the slushy with nicole so yeah not so bad) and going for a nice dinner with jae, alex and jessica soon...so yeah, more and more spending!someone put a solid padlock to my bank account please (or at least my credit card)!!!ah n shiitake mushroom tastes sooo yummy, it has this meaty flavour (unrelated at all but i need to state this rather desperately!)...

ewww!!!get a room!

okay, maybe not a room...but somewhere where there is no human to be disgusted by u would be great k...nia told me this 'ewww' story that happened to her yesterday...she was studying at the second floor computer space in kate edgar....u know how crowded that space is every afternoon...people have to wait to get a computer...


anyway, she was studying and in between reading, she looked around...she saw this guy (her description - caucasian male, youngish, probably a first year, with pimply face and orangey hair) near her table and he was studying calculus (from the cover of his opened textbook)...then she saw something no one should ever see in such a public and prestigious place like a university public area....this guy had his fly open and his errr 'privates' escaped from his pants...it wasn't an unfortunate accident...he was deliberately touching himself!!!


do u know what i'm talking about here???email me if u don't!anyway, that's truly yucky!especially for a girl!!!nia said that guy saw her looking at him and he smiled!!!sheepishly she admitted but still!!!i would've ran and never look back if i'm caught in such a compromising position (quoting from so many romance books), not that i'd do something like that in public, mind u!!!my advice is - if u are that desperate, go to the toilet!it's private!no wandering eyes will be offended by such display...


more importantly, that's just plain lacking in taste...can u imagine touching the computer, the mouse, the chair and the table that the guy touched (after he had done whatever he had done)???remind me to buy a sanitiser soon!!!

should i?should i not?

god knows i'm shallow enough a 3-year old child won't be drowned in my head (a statement the opening sentence...is that a good sign?)...let's talk about shopping and sale shall we?i'm saving all the money i can spare...the reason is, shall we say that i have some ideas with that saved money...enter smith and caughey's (u know the hallowed ultra expensive shopping place that rarely been visited by dear ole' moi coz of economic purposes) into the picture and it's massive crazy sale...things like designer perfumes, toilettes, shoes and home decorations are sold at this crazy (affordable) price, tempting poor buggers like who are supposed to be on strict shopping diet...why are all of my favourite things are on sale???that's the main question here...my theories are:

• they are evil...the make us salivate and at the end, we will definitely break...i bought 2 aromatic diffusers coz i thought they were cheap (can u imagine designer aromatic diffuser are like $13 for 2 bottles?!!!!)...now i'm having this 'should i, should i not' internal (and not so internal as i did ask rini just now about it) debate about whether should i buy this divine escada ocean lounge perfume (it's a 50ml edt that cost a pittance at $52!err at least it is rather cheap for a good perfume!)...will someone tell me whether i should (or should not)!!!!
• they are creatures from hell...a lot of perfumes are on sale....i saw dkny be delicious midnight perfume (thought i don't actually favour it's smell, it's a perfume...by the title of 'perfume' itself gives it an indesribable allure that attracts me like a bee to honey!) and some others...i'm salivating...and ah men's perfumes (i have this great need to buy 2 bottles for my brother and father)...
• they are born with 2 horns (not a ram darn it!) aka the devil...a devil's handmaiden aka rini told me that shoes such as witchery's and some other designers shoes are like $60-$90...still expensive that i need to sell one of my kidneys, i know, but considering their designer origins, yeah, those are kinda cheap....

in the end i made this conclusion that smith and caughey's is the very devil and it's natural variations for my purse...