Friday, April 3, 2009

girl power!

i love to relate myself (or anything be it close or as far unrelated-related possible) to song's lyrics...i was hanging out with gaurav after amin's bdy dinner (yes it's thai chilli near westfield again, it has seen a lot of me)...while we were talking they played this song by britney...i'm pretty sure it was britney spears....her voice is distinctive...anyway, i remember i got her new album n start going through all songs when i came back (by the way, gaurav, i officially fell in love with u because of ur bmw!it is waaaay wicked!!!!!)...i found the song...ah moving on, i listened to other songs n i found this song called 'shattered glass''s empowering!!!i don't even have a cheating bastard of a bf but i kinda like this feels like if i unluckily to have one, i'll probably be like 'hey u (name automatically erased from memory 2 seconds after knowing what a cheating lying piece of shit he is) take this!i don't need u!all the more power to moi!'

anyway, being proud of the owner of 'single, available and having a blast of a life right now!' status, i never fall in love...yet...or experience the joy (and let's not be all flowery and happy and forget the pain) of having a significant gaurav was saying, it's not my time yet...he'll be around somewhere...anyway, moving on (again), i will probably think that if i am in the shoes of being cheated on, somewhere along i will most probably have these questions of whys...especially 'why do u do it'...then when i stop crying bemoaning my fate i'll probably think 'does she worth it'...i will also think 'do u regret it'...'do u feel guilty'...'have u ever think of me when u do it'....'do u feel more of a man now'...'is she the one u r looking for'...they are all relevant somehow...i think i will need some kind of closure to move on...i hate the idea that i will hang on to memories and 'what ifs' and feel like i'm lacking somewhere and somehow at fault...

i think, based on an assumption from real life experiences of friends and err romance books, i want to emerge as the better man, in this case, a better woman in this dead-end relationship...i want to learn something and accept the fact that i need to just move on...ah being a normal human females, i will also want him to least for a need to equip yourselves with iron armor and suit gentlemen...i will try to restrain myself from detaching any of ur ehem vital body part (u what it's ur second brain)...i just want to feel in equal in the 'hurt treatment'...u hurt me, u hurt urself too...that kind of feeling....

anyway, writing this gets the issue of 'what i will most probably do' off my chest...pray that i won't get that type of man...let fidelity and loyalty be permanent part of his the end i need all of my girl power...relationship is an investment that will pay (be it a gain or lost) and the wisest investment needs constant tender loving and care...i'll invest one day...just not today...or probably tomorrow...ah or anytime soon!hahahaha...loving the carefree life too much!


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