my very own karaoke...err...

u know, that thing u have in ur computer, the thing called sound recorder, yup that thing is addictive...today is pink's bday, happy happy happy bday pink!may Allah bless u always and have a great year ahead!anyway, she requested some songs for her bday...since my internet connection uhmm sucks for no better word, i decided to record her the song she requested, kim yoo kyung's starlight tears....yes it's in korean (so pink u may have noticed all the weird pronounciations, yes, i don't even know how to pronounce most of the lyrics, so i made them up!) and yes i don't speak korean (jae may attest to this)...before that pink asked me to sing hikki's first love when i called her online...i think she recorded that (please don't use that as a bargaining chip in the future to threaten me with yah pink?)...then, i got this idea that i can record the second requested song for pink...i diligently found the lyrics and song for that particular song (it's not that difficult since i got both on my laptop, really, so no diligence is actually needed)...


and there u go...i recorded countless of my singing...they sounded hideous but yeah, at least i tried...and i was earnest...it is a bday present to a dear friend!then, after sending the file to pink, i resumed the recording activity...and rolled on the floor laughing upon hearing my own voice!i sang weirdly, with awkward pauses (as i sang along with the song playing in my earphones and the recorder could only record ever 60 seconds, so i had to repeatedly press record) and weirder pronounciations...i also ran out of breath here and there so i may sound like i'm on verge of orgasm (not that i've experience that before mind u!) every now and then...i'm pretty sure if the real singer hear this, she will cry...not of enlightenment, more like profound frustration and shock and finally sadness, that her song is being butchered by this crazy foreigner...


anyway, i kept finding songs and kept on recording...at one point, i even felt like getting a mike and video camera to record myself!what horrors!no, that's only a momentary madness...i've recovered my senses now...i'm well aware i am no mariah carey...but yeah, i love the recording thingie...i recorded messages to my friends and i now know what i can get for my friends for their bdays!i will sing for them (background noise: 'arrrgggghhhhh nooooooo!!!God save us all!!!!')!!!yes, that is what i should do!errr....maybe it's better to record personalised messages than sing, u reckon (unanimous answer: hell yes!keep the singing to ur own ears!)?hehehe....


p/s: sorry meghna and evie, for ur ear drums suffered unimaginable torture during the recording process!ah and no animals, stuff toys and turtles are hurt in the process!

happy bday dear friend!happy bday pink!eat lotsa cake and remember me who's far away!

dearest mama

mama can be so hilarious sometimes...today, i was bad-mouthing someone we mutually know and she told me to stop doing that...she said God's punishment is very resolute and swift...and the proof was, she was doing the same thing earlier today, u know the bad-mouthing, with someone else on the phone...she said she spent a long time enumerating her points and she even talked in different positions, sideways and even laying down on the floor, that's how long she babbled on and on about this person...so she ran out of time to cook lunch for my sister, alin before alin went to school (i missed alin so much!she's so cute and adorable, even when she's being a pain in the *ss)...so she rushed and bam, the whole tub of processed chilli went spilling on the kitchen floor...she had to take more time to clean it up and her hands felt hot after handling the chilli....now she had to boil some more chilli and blend it to make a chilli paste...so the moral of the story is, she believed it's God's subtle way to punish her for talking about that certain someone behind her back...


then i was telling her about my conversation with that same person (see the difference here, not bad-mouthing, more like reciting an earlier conversation)...and there she went, it's like i'm providing her an avenue to do her opening salvo and she went with a gusto!she went off like a rocket, talking how that certain someone is always annoying and that person's other annoying traits...i can't even slid a word sideways...wait...didn't she just said that God's punishment is swift in relation to bad-talking about someone?hehehe...my mama is surely one of the funniest person that i know...


after that, i asked her to send alin to auckland for a visit...jaja and gegel are so busy with school that i don't think they can sneak 2-3 weeks visit in between classes, exams and proposals...and aboy is in his la-la-wonderland of a high school, the Victoria Institution (sheesh, i wonder why the VI boys are always so passionate about their school...the school admins must have sneak a potion in their canteen food or something, or drug them, or brain-washed them to love their school to the point of obsession and madness) and i'm pretty sure he won't even think of leaving his dearest even for 5 mins...that's left with with alin...so i keep begging mama to send alin here...


and mama's response was (the same response even after i made this request more than 5 times, previously):

'i don't want my darling girl to go missing!u know, what's with the drug and kidnapping and organ/young girls selling these days...no young girl is safe!'

okay, i get the point...but then again, isn't it too exaggerating when she allowed alin to hang out with her friends at the malls in KL?isn't it way unsafer than sending her through a meticulously guarded KLIA and auckland airport?isn't there many creeps hanging around in KL who would love to get their hands on innocent young girls compared to, let's say, the aircraft?my mom even ended her sentence with:

'i don't want to cry after things happen, so i'd rather be safe than sorry'

....with obvious relish, like this is some malay drama playing on tv1 (i don't even watch those crappy dramas anymore!)...anyhow, mama u have to stop allowing alin to hang out with her *iatch friends (well, they are rich and vain, and more importantly shallow, what more can i say about alin's friends?) at the crowded, way unsafe malls in KL!KL is the hotbed for crimes, i'm not glossing this over, so i'm being frank...i can hang out in auckland cbd (that's the city, stands for central business district) until 3-4 am in the morning and i can still feel safe to walk back alone at night...where else in KL, i can stand to go out until 10 pm-12 am max, if it's later than that, i get baba to fetch me home, that's how unsafe KL is...


i missed mama...she's a drama queen but she's my mama...she complains a lot but she wants the best for her children...at the end of the day, she always recite on the neighbours activities even though she doesn't really care about what they do (and seriously, all of us don't really care what our neighbours do, they can have a lively party 7 nights a week for all we care, excepting the smelly cats they keep, that we hate!not the cats, they are innocent, it's the neigbours for being insensitive jerks who don't clean them and expect mama to take care of their cats...get a life!)...


mama also hates hospitals and doctors and medicine (all things associated to sickness, i understand, with her background and history)...she goes to certain lengths to avoid them (we know, remember the trick we pull to get her into ampang puteri hospital for her anemia years ago?) and have to be reminded over and over again to take her pills (she even cut some pills in half, what's the point there in eating half a pill when u r supposed to take it whole?)...mama who always drives in silence and a great critic of jaja's driving (jaja is a manic driver!), to the point that jaja avoids driving with mama ('no jaja!u r supposed to stop when the traffic light turns orange, not speed up!' when she herself does that)...mama who loves her strawberry t-shirt (yikes, it's not the colour we have problem with, it's the real-to-goodness large strawberry pasted in front of the t-shirt for all the world to see from 1 km away!) and gets suspicious that we stole that t-shirt now that it's missing (thank God it's missing!it's hideous!)...


mama who has a new hobby every now and then (now her new-old hobby is sewing...she's sewing jaja's prize-giving ceremony dress, a baju kurung moden, right now)...mama who said everyone claimed she looked young (she indeed is looking way young compared to her real age and then said that baba looked way old with an obvious relish) as if it's a surprising thing...mama who always claims that alin is my protege in getting on her nerves by always being late for everything...mama who talks to her flowers and plants, as she claimed that they need to be treated well by talking as they will blossom if we do that (what the...???)...mama who always blames everyone if she sees a scratch, however minor it is, on her car...mama who tells us not to sit on the living hall couches so that they won't smell and sag and sit on the marble floor instead (isn't the point of having couches is for us to sit?)...mama who tells us that we are all smelly and need to take more careful showers (everyone is smelly excepting her...then again she took minimum 3 showers a day!)....


she loves to cook her children's favourite food and nag about the smallest things...she cares so much about her siblings and my grandma and tries her best to help them when she can, from when she was a young girl until now (even though some of them are stupid and users and take her for granted)...she's also brusque sometimes but we know she loves us anyway (even though we test her patience every seconds like waking up at 4 pm everyday, quarreling from the time we open our eyes till we close them and not helping her with house chores much)...mama has a lot of endearing traits that i can't even quote here and now...we love u mama...u r the best and only mama in this whole wide world!

this is my special dedication to my dearest mama, all the way from auckland to kl...happy mother's day mama!
with love, nana...

story of full-legth white skirt: the story of my life

the fault lay on the arrogance of youth...well, this story has nothing to do with that pronouncement...i wrote it coz i like the sound of it...anyway, this is the story of the poor white skirt:

i am born pristine white as a new canvas...on my conception, a few beautiful strips of intricate white laces were sewn on a few levels along my cottony length, horizontally...a few white ribbons were interwoven amongst these laces...to protect my wearer's modesty, a layer of plain white cloth was sewn inside me...i am born attractive and beautiful...i reminded girls of summer fun and cuteness...i represented modesty and youth...on the day of my sale, my friends and i were grabbed like gold on 99% off sale...i was bought by this nice lady, called nana...she treated me nicely...i was well-worn coz she said 'u're my favourite friend!' repeatedlt to me...she said i fit with everything and i fit for every occasion...she sometimes treated me too kindly and hand-washed me...she even sometimes ironed me to make me prettier...


alas, my happiness did not last long...one day, after too much machine wash, one of my white ribbons which were interlaced between the white laces was torn off from it's mooring...i cried copiously but alas, my owner just pull the whole white ribbon off from me...i was hurt and delusioned...then, she spilled food on top of me...i was stained...she didn't take care of me properly so the stain became a permanent part of me...i was not pristine white ever again...that is not the worst to come...then, nana accidently torn me...twice on 2 different places...i bled and the pain was excruciating...she was kind enough to stitch me but i scarred for life...never again i believe her promise of friendship and loyalty...she treated me more carelessly as time passed...


i was wary for a long time...what else will nana do to hurt me, intentionally or otherwise?i was sad and nothing could make me happy, unless she put me away in her closet...there, no one can hurt me...i felt safe and protected in that place...the closet is my only sanctuary...even so, sometimes i felt lonely in there...the others, the brown skirt, the red longish top, the white pants and other clothes didn't understand me...they were never nana's favourite, except for nana's black jeans...even so, nana black jeans are always hung outside the closet so i don't have much chance to talk to her...i think other clothes think i am spoiled...


however, nana never leave me in the closet too long...she loves me too much to leave me be...she still wore me from time to time...one day, after a long wear, she decided to clean me...she thought of all the wear and tear on me and decided to wash me with other delicates, her head scarves...she put the machine on delicate and i love her again for such caring...but again, she forgot...she put a red scarf which cries a lot when washed...the red scarf's tears are red and her tears bled on my delicate skin...i am now pink...my tears are dried now...i have no more tears left to cry...


this is the story of my life...

-the end-

anyway, the white skirt is now pristine (well, not so pristine but still...) white again...it is bleached for days and the pink is managed to be bleached off, thankfully...she may have been hurt in the bleaching process but the hurt must be assuaged by the final product, her whiteness...and nana still loves her, no matter what...


-this is a dedication for my favourite white skirt, i still love u too much!-

my love affair

i just realised (again, i've forgotten about this after so long) that some perfumes take time to be assimilated with our body natural smell...and that is a deciding factor of the final smell of the perfume...remember i bought this new perfume, ysl baby doll?it's a limited edition and came with a cute pink, fake-pink-feather lining at the edge of the bag...it's also sparkly, not the bag, the perfume itself...i love sparkly things!i felt excited and happy to get this...anyway, the initial spray on evie and meghna caused me to decreed that ysl baby doll have a very strong smell that didn't suit me...it's kinda wasteful and i felt let down, when i was so looking forward to having a new perfume that i can bond with (hohoho...perfume and i, we have a lifelong, everlasting love affair!)...


on the next day, i decided to just wear a few spray to school...why waste right?a few hours after, i smelled a faint whiff of a very lovely smell around me...sniff, sniff, ah, yup it's the smell of the perfume being assimilated to my body smell!it's very pleasant and i love the faint, faint fruit-juice-like smell!it also last quite long and stayed on my clothes even after a few days!i decided that i love ysl baby doll...now i'm looking forward to test dior addict 2...it's not here yet but i'm hoping that we'll fell in love with each other and dior addict 2 will join my harem of perfumes ^^

evil supermarket sale

my life is so mundane lately that shopping for groceries have become the highlight of my week...and yes, i have been doing some groceries shopping these few days...what do u know, that buying 2 packets of spring onion, a packet of capsicums, a whole bag of onion, a kilo of beef, 500 g of mince beef, some chicken sausages, a litre of strawberry yogurt (yum yum!), a kilo worth of carrots and onion and tomato bread would send me into rapturous bliss...yup i was truly happy to have an array of cooking ingredients that can last for 3 months...maybe?...anyway, i love the idea that i have everything, from chicken to vegetables and staples that can last for long...i want them to last long coz i don't want to be sucked into buying unnecessarily when i have to get a bag of carrots, for example....yes, foodtown and lim chorr supermarket are evil representation of marketing strategies...


when i go there with a single intention of buying, say, a can of tuna, i'll be riveted by all there evil marketing strategies that make me spend more that i am initially planning to...they will do all sorts of sale such as 'come come!buy 2 packets of spring onions for $1 even though u have never even like spring onions!'...or 'hey u sucker come and grab 2 boxes of nut bars for $5 even though u only have $10 left to last until this end of month!'...or 'yum yum yum...see, these prawns look fresh and they're on sale!a kilo for $18!when else u can get these for this outlandish price!come and grab some!'....they are pure torture...i try to avoid foodtown, the warehouse and lim chorr as much as possible...my food budget will suffer if i continually go to one of them once a week...but still, i need oil!i want to grab a bottle of oil and scram out before i get tempted to buy all sort of things that are not originally in my list of things that i need to buy...


ah but then again, my kitchen and house fridges are full to bursting (well, all of the stuff are not mine alone, please!some of them are meghna's and evie's...well, some of them are *looks guilty and shifty eyed*)...so, i made a solemn promise that tomorrow, i'll just pop by in foodtown, grab a 2 litre oil (it's cheaper and can last for months!me a cheapo, i count every penny, like a houswife), and run for life to the payment aisle!mission accomplished!we'll see!i'll definitely not buy anything else...well...apart from a can of tuna...ah maybe a few fruit...ah!stop!just oil!no other things!promise!fuh!too much temptations....

3 months = 14 weeks

do u know that 3 months consist of around 14 weeks?yeah, it's a myth that a month consists of 4 weeks...fazan told me this before but i never did actually take an active effort to check...ah the wonder of money...it makes u do the most mundane and ridiculous things...i am a very budget conscious person and in the last tri-monthly budget i found out that i was 2 weeks short of my rent and has to be subjected to using my credit card (ah my credit card is poorly abused at the end of my tri-monthly allowance period)...i was, of course, shocked!here i thought i had extra to waste (err....save!it's to save, not waste!)...i hate the thought that i have to use my next tri-monthly allowance for previous months expenses...ah yes i am anal, i'm not offended, nicola...it's like digging a hole to cover another hole...it's pointless and it defeats the whole purpose of budgeting!plus, it's a vicious cycle...u'll never have enough...


anyway, i decided to check the calender from the month of may to july and there it goes, the extra 2 weeks instead of the nice 12 weeks of 3 months...so yup i scrambled to find my budget file and had to do a massive rebudgeting (and a lot of expenses cutting here and there to save but alas, necessities such as mobile topup and calling home budget cannot be cut)...in the end, i was left with less than $300 extra for saving than the original budget...that's $100 saving per month!it may not sound a lot but imagine this: with an addition of $70 to the $300 making it $370, i can buy 8gb ipod touch!okay maybe that's too extravagant...hmm for $300 i can buy LG secret mobile phone with addition of around $130....okay okay u get it...with that extra $300 i can do a lot...i can even buy a return ticket to tonga (i am truly looking forward for the trip to tonga with nia!love u nia!hahahaha)...


alas, we can't all get what we want all the time...i can still work if i want more money...that's the best...but then, here i am...wasting my weekend writing on my blog...okay as a closing salvo, i would like to say that i love the 90's music!i'm currently listening to duncan sheik's barely breathing...okay that's got nothing to do with the rest of this but yeah...i love music!

tying the knot

marriage and weddings...this is a topic that has absolutely nothing to do with me...i never have a significant other and will probably not have one anytime soon within a year from today...probably because i haven't even try to talk to any guy within 10 km radius from me, well apart from my course coordinator anuj coz i have thousands of questions (i think he's sick of me now)...yesterday i was talking to nadh online (it's a frustrating talk, yup my internet has gone wonky...again) and she updated me with the latest news...apparently, 8 of my contemporaries (high school friends from the same batch, the survivors9802) are already the proud owner of the title of wifey to this date...a few are tying the knot this year and another few handful are getting the engagement ring on their little fingers...


an here i wonder...am i being left behind?no, i have no real desire to commit now (maybe someday, around 4-5 years from now?will that be much too late?)...but i kinda feel envious to those who already found their 'the one'....they must be less lonelier...but then again, marriage takes a lot of effort...effort is not my forte these days...more like work hard and play harder!anyway, i love the idea of being half of a person, belonging to him....it sounds beautiful...whatever life throws at u, u can always have someone to turn to, who knows every goodness and weaknesses of urs, and love u anyway...don't get me wrong here...i love my family and they know everything it is about me...but they know u since u are born and accept and love u readily...having a significant other is a whole different level of intimacy to a stranger...he is a virtual stranger at the start of a relationship...and u gradually get to know him and even after marriage, the process of getting to know resumes...u can be frustrated or delighted by the new things u discover about him but he's urs anyway...i guess because of this romanticized view of marriage, i am a romance junkie...i love happy endings...there are already too much unexpected and unwanted twist and turns in real life, happy endings or beginnings sound very auspicious to me...


in reality, i am very realistic....i know happiness is a very fleeting feeling...a lot of events in life throw u from ur safety net and no, average people don't smile as soon as they open their eyes in the morning and keep smiling until they close their eyes in sleep...we tend to have an array of emotions through out the day and happiness contributes to ur average may be around an hour or two or more or less, depending...okay the whole point here is marriage is something i see myself committing to in the future...but i am well aware that it also takes a lot of courage and work to make it a working institution...especially in the area of compromise...in this, i believe, i am not ready to give and take...i am very selfish and i wish to have 'my time' and time to give back to my family before i share my life with someone else (not that there is a beloved someone out there who is itching to ask for my hand, i am well aware of my position...and no i'm not that irrisistable, more like resistable than the other way round)...ah but it's lovely to think of marriage and sigh over it...*sigh*....

new discovery!

i discovered a great thing today...no it's not the cure for cancer...not it's not the solution to end the war or world hunger...no it's not a new discovery of a new planet...okay, stop playing, i found a new recipe of rice porridge aka congee...i have loved congee since i was born and fed solid food...i cooked it almost everyday around 2 years ago and i kinda get sick of congee for a while after that...but today, i cooked congee in the microwave...that's not the point here...i was too lazy to cook other meals, well not really, more like too busy, as i had 2 assignments due and 3 tests this week...why am i busy when i had just enjoyed a 2-week break u asked?well...break = holiday = no work!i did take a real break...means, relatively light studying and did a small portion of my assignments, resulting a lot of work and cram sessions this week...i can breathe easy now that all of my tests are over and done with and 1 assignment already handed in on monday...but i still got another assignment due tomorrow...


anyway, the original story here is that i didn't go to the communal kitchen to get ingredients or cook...so i had to grab whatever things i have in my apartment kitchen...i have some leftover can of tuna, a bottle of american mustard, strong cheddar cheese, almost finished bottle of mayo, raw rice, salt, sugar and frozen sambal that i made a few days ago...i decided to make congee to eat with the sambal...since i felt that eating congee with sambal was too bland, i added the tuna...and cheddar cheese...the resulting meal is absolutely delicious!it's so great that i ate 4 bowls of congee (well, one for dinner just now)...the taste is indescribable...the addition of cheese made the congee tasted spicy (from the sambal), salty and a bit sour and creamy...it's lovely...do give this a try!it's not as disgusting as u may picture it...

perfumes galore!

i was inspired by this guy on youtube...he had a collection of more than 100 bottles of perfumes...and his favourites are the creed collection...i can safely say unless i sell my firstborn (not that i am close to conceiving a baby) or sell my house from under me (not that i even own a miniature model of a house), i can't afford a creed anytime soon...i am not rich by any means...i am a scholarship-supported full time student who is living on a student budget aka practically the minimum...but i do have my guilty pleasures...i love romance (yup this is the 1000th time i've admitted this particular fact), so i spent an inordinately excessive amount of time on reading romance novels...no i don't feel i'm wasting time unless i'm out of time (test/exam periods, assignment due dates, sleep deprivation due to excessive reading)...okay, this whole romance-addict thing got nothing what-so-ever to do with my budget and guilty-spending-pleasure....

my other secret vice is yup, not so secret anymore since i've mentioned it before, perfumes...i love perfumes...to date i have used (and still using) a lot of different perfumes...my first perfume was bought when i was 15...yup, i still remember...i didn't get a lot of allowance from my parents so i had to save up a lot of my weekly allowance and eid's gift money to buy my perfumes then...my first perfume was bodyshop's strawberry (if i'm not mistaken...it could be peach or or dewberry or white musk or vanilla...)...this may not be impressive to most people but i love it...after that i bought a successive numbers of bodyshop perfumes as they are the most affordable and longer lasting...i've used white musk, vanilla, peach, dewberry, strawberry and the latest one that i still have (bought 3-4 years ago and there is still about 10% left) is neroli jasmin (picture courtesy of bodyshop)...i'm pretty sure i'll keep buying a bodyshop oil in the future...what can i say, i'm a sucker for affordability and quality...

i've also used versace versus and red jeans before (just finished with the last bottle of versace versus a few weeks ago, kinda sad seeing an old favourite go)...i have bought these 2 versaces a lot of times...i love their fragrance...my usual favs are the fruity smell, fresh (u know shower gel/soap mixed with clean water, fresh after shower, kind of smell) smell or sweet smell...these 2 versaces hit the spot with the fruity smell (okay, i don't know much about the base note, top note kinda description so i'll stick to the basics that i know)...

i sometimes buy perfume coz i like the smell of it when someone i know of wears it...i remember my bedmate (not lover, u blue-minded devil!hahaha...this term oft used by sspians, ssp girls, describing the person whose bed is next to urs) when i was in form 5, yaya, used this perfume daily...i fell in love with it and bought it when i graduated from high school (to those who still don't get it, ssp is a high school...it stands for sekolah seri puteri)...i don't want people to associate my smell with yaya's coz we were using the same perfume so i waited patiently to buy until graduation...i bought the perfume twice (and i still miss it's fresh smell)...ah surprise, surprise the perfume is ralph lauren's ralph...i don't have it now as i've finished up all of my supply of ralph lauren's ralph...

the same thing happens to my current (and most likely all-time) favourite, lolita lempicka...i love it so i'm very prudent in using it...it's still half full...the smell is really feminine, sexy and strong so i don't have to spray a lot...the bottle is also very attractive with purple apple-shaped glass and gold sprayed leaves on the bottle's surface and gold spritzer...kinda reminds me of the forbidden apple in garden of eden, no?very subtle and tres sexy!it's more expensive than the rest of my perfume collection, not as expensive as luxury perfumes such as creed mind you, but still cost me my arms and legs to purchase one bottle of lolita lempicka...adding the all-time favourite factor, i am using it sparingly to make this current bottle last longer...



my other perfumes are salvatore ferragamo incanto shine (i bought the same one for jaja and incanto charms for mama, and paris hilton heiress for gegel and britney spears fantasy for alin...all bought in japan about a year and a half ago), davidoff echo (pink's favourite, got influenced by pink when we were browsing around at a perfume shop in rotorua 2 years ago) and kate moss kate (bought on trademe about 2 months ago)...all of them, as again, are my favourites (i love all of my perfumes, why bother buying them if i hate them?)...nowadays i wear kate moss kate for my everyday use...i'm thinking i should revert back to bodyshop for my daily use...what do u think?



mama's all time favourite is estee lauder beautiful...i love mama's smell as it reminds me of mama...she has been using estee lauder beautiful for so long it's nostalgic...even her clothes have her smell (estee lauder beautiful mixed with mama's own essence)...jaja, on the other hand, have been using christian dior forever and ever for so long, she has her own smell now...ah but she kinda developed a reaction to forever and ever so mama is now the proud owner of her latest bottle...i think she is currently using incanto shine...gegel is currently wearing her paris hilton hieress and versace red jeans that is switch with her (switched with her versace versus)...alin is still using her britney spears fantasy sparingly (she steals spritz of perfume from others especially jaja's or mama's)...


as for aboy, he doesn't wear a perfume...yet...i kinda predict that he will grab a bottle soon...he's fast becoming a metrosexual guy, errr, boy...but i'm hoping he doesn't turn out too metrosexual and become more high maintanance than good-ole-moi (i'm relatively low maintainance compared to a lot of my girl friends...i don't wear make-up except for my baby lotion, sunblock, and face powder....i wear make-up, like lip gloss and eye shadow on special occasion...i only use one facial cleanser, my neutrogena, and that's it)...i will kill him if he suddenly buys facepack (or not, it's his own money, i don't care)...baba, on the other hand, never runs out of perfume compared to the female population in our household...it's due to the fact that mama keeps buying his perfumes, or 'suggested' us to buy baba perfumes for his birthday or for father's day...i don't even remember his perfumes coz we bought him a lot of different ones...i think the latest one that he's using is bvlgari blv notte...for a person who changes perfume like he changes his shirt, my dad is oblivious to his perfumes...why?coz he just doesn't care...all of his perfumes are sprayed on his shirts and t-shirts by mama so he doesn't actually spray it himself...


nenek maridah (my favourite granny, she's wise and she listens), loves christian dior dolce vita (the perfume she wore before her current one)...she fell in love when jaja gave her a sample bottle of dior dolce vita years ago and she still loves it...now she's using burberry's burberry...she said it smells like papaya (i laughed when i heard that, nenek maridah loves papaya!)...



my latest acquisitions are ysl baby doll (the limited edition) and christian dior addict 2...ysl baby doll used to be nura's favourite (i don't know what her current one is but she used to wear this in college back then) and christian dior addict is a perfume that i really really like but has yet to purchase (maybe coz it's pricey and i was always almost broke when i want to buy it)...so buying christian addict 2 is the closest that i get to acquiring chrisian dior addict, not that the smell is similar...i bought both from trademe...the jury is still out there on these 2...we'll see whether they make it into my favourites list...


the perfumes in my most-wanted list are christian dior addict, hmmm,...., can't think of anything else (of course i wish i can get my hands on more perfumes, regardless of brand or price but alas, the demand is unlimited while the resources are scarce...the market ain't perfect)...i am not even close to 10, much less 100 bottles of perfume, but i love and cherish what i have...okay, this is a non-subtle hint, i will love a bottle of perfume as a present...do u want me to make it clearer?i want perfumes for present!


perfume pictures courtesy of salvatore ferragamo, bodyshop, versace, ralph lauren, lolita lempicka, estee lauder, ysl and last but not least, bvlgari....i hope i don't violate any copyright infringement law or something!

movie and chocolate and everything nice

evie went back to sydney during our mid-sem break and she didn't come back empty handed...she gave me a bar of one of the nicest chocolate ever - the swiss-produced lindt pistache (thank you so much evie!much love here!)...evie is a europhile (is there such a word?) and one of the greatest thing coming out of her love of europe is love of good quality chocolate...who am i complaining?i enjoy the fruit of her love, the lindt pistache...is a pistachio filled chocolate bar and what can i say?it blew me away!as for meghna, i hardly see her this week T_T...she is currently enjoying her holiday (her holiday starts a week later than ours so yeah, i'm turning green in envy) in the bosom of her family...


speaking of family, i missed talking to my family...mama with her funny litany of complaints and caring, baba with his resigned tone, jaja with her quirky humour, gegel with her crazy responses, alin with her cute cute (she is so the baby girl of the family!) voice and aboy with his awkward and weird questions and requests...i also miss nenek maridah so much!i love my family so much i don't know what other way i can describe this love (and i'm no poet, thank goodness, i won't bother u with my weird poetry)...i bought 66 dollars worth of calling time yesterday...n i'm going to splurge on calling my dearest!


that's alin when she was a baby...isn't she just adorable!the other pic is alin-the-camwhore, taken last year by surprise, surprise, herself...hehehe...the only reason i don't put pix of mama, baba, jaja, gel and aboy is that i try to prevent slow and brutal death...i'm pretty sure jaja and the rest of the mob will at least give a threat of dismemberment of various body parts if i put up their baby pix or latest pix...as for alin, she's a camwhore, what can i say?



anyway, last night fazan and i cooked nasi lemak (the sambal turned out fine, not the disaster i predicted)...we ate while watching this movie fazan insisted me to watch a movie called the reader...the main actress is kate winslet (hanna schimtz) and the main guys are a young famous actor from germany, david kross and ralph fiennes who play young and adult michael berg...what can i say (again)?i love this movie!it got a lot of what-ifs scenes and the young love is ever lasting...i cried towards the end when hannah left her legacy to micheal (enough said, watch it!)...alas, this movie is not for the young...containing lots of nudity and 18-above-only scenes, i know this movies will not be released in a lot of conservative and muslim countries, malaysia included...but still, i love the movie...not because of the x-rated scenes, but the storyline itself is amazing...there are a lot of touching scenes and yup i'm a sucker for touching scenes...go n watch this movie...highly recommended...


yesterday is also my another let's-splurge-and-be-merry-and-then-be-dirt-poor-for-the-rest-of-the-month day!i ate lunch at imax downtown with dora, yaya, rini and redzy, whom i haven't seen in ages..we ate at this new arabic foodstall which serves really nice array of arab food and i (as usual, there are a lot of lamb meals, which i don't eat, which left me only 3 choices, chicken or fish, err and vegetarian) ordered chicken briyani (thank god for modern-day invention of credit card)...it is served with this youghurt sauce and it was very scrumptious...it's very different from the briyani in malaysia but nice nonetheless...


then we went to another newly opened stall next door to 'lepak' (wasting time in the form of talking hahaha)...surprise surprise (not really, dora told me beforehand but i like the element of oh-i-don't-know-this squeal!), it's a malaysian and singaporean themed kopitiam, aptly named kaya and toast!not that it has a wide range of local drinks (like white coffee n such), but it's a fine attempt for an overseas stall...i didn't order anything as i was really full (and trying to save money after spending copiously)...i did tasted yaya's kaya toast and for a kaya-hater, i love it!i also like the fact that the kopitiam decor has the old-school familiar kopitiam ambiance...it brings back memories of lepak time with family and friends back home...it's bright and welcoming...the owner also put an array of local comics by lat and yup, that's major plus point for him!it definitely help bringing the local kopitiam to auckland!double thumbs-up to the owner!the downside of the kopitiam is that the service is kind of slow (only one person made the drinks and toasts and he took his own sweet time, he even made a leisure call on his mobile while doing it...talk about major distraction)...and i also hadn't tasted the other food choices and drinks so i can't say much about the taste...

rant *beware, no need to read as i'm in my vicious mode*

okay this is not a fun post...i'm just so mad...my mom texted me telling me that a certain someone (person A, whom i'm pretty sure by the end of this post, those who know me well will know who this person is) asked me why i haven't congratulate a certain someone who is close to this person (person B)...person A and B are closely related...ah i supposed u can say that i'm closely related to them, sadly...i thought being in auckland distances me from person A (i have nothing against person B)...person A is a menace in my family (family of mama, baba, jaja, gegel, alin, aboy and nenek maridah, my maternal granny)...secretly (an open secret in my family) we all have personal grudge against person A...realistically, i HATE PERSON A!i know this is immature but frankly, i don't care much anymore...


the fact is, i am straightening up my life right now...it's messy...to minimize the messiness, i push person A and all of person A's associations out of my mind...i am on counselling for god's sake!i don't need more complications...out of sight, out of mind...i even stop calling person A or ask about person A (just out of courtesy, mind u) to my family...i just want to not think about person A...but receiving that text from my mom is like a straw breaking the camel's back...person A is just testing my patience and now i feel like i want to burst...i wish person A can keep to her/his own grave...take care of ur own grave and don't go knocking on someone else's door....it's a metaphor...i wish she/he keeps to her/himself....i don't want to know about her/him anymore...i can be polite but i frankly, i don't respect person A...she/he is vicious and thoughtless...about the congratulating thing, i really forgot...i have things to think about which is more important than that...for god's sake, i talk to person B like once in a year!and not for even more than an hour!we barely know each other other than common ties...


i know i sound like a bitch, but hey what goes around, comes around...u used to treat us like dirt (still doing it in fact)....do u expect i have no feelings what-so-ever?i remember...i have a long memory...it will not fade...i just push the memories back in my mind...but please, all the pathetic attempts for sympathy doesn't get u anywhere with me...i act as if i care but i don't...u can be as sick as u claimed (or sick, in reality) but well, u have ur 'dear family' that u keep on claiming about...let them take care of u...i frankly (truly, sincerely) DON'T GIVE A DAMN...get off my back...just shut up and don't even think of calling my name...i don't want to know u...it's no special treat to know u...u hurt a lot of my loved ones...u deserve what u get...seriously, i can even cry crocodile tears on ur grave but please, in between then and now, keep ur distance, preferably 10000 km away...


-end of rant-

panna cotta and calcium ion channels and pathology

lately i've been busy (yeah right)...after this break i will have 3 tests and 2 assignments due...so far all i have done is a tentative draft for one of my assignment...it's a review essay...i'm in a generous mood so i'll share the title to you...it's called:

Alteration of signaling and contractile calcium ion in pathological cardiac hypertrophy and arrhythmias mechanism of induction.

i don't even now what the title is about when i put it forward to my course coordinator for an approval...i absolutely don't remember anything on cardiac physiology (after almost 3 years of learning about it over and over again)...so far all i have unearthed from my readings (believe me 19 readings is no joke...my head is still spinning) are calcium ions movement through various channels especially L-type and T-type voltage-gated calcium channel, it's physiological change in pathological situation (hypertrophy) and not so much of arrhythmia...i'm stumped...anyway, this is a bunch of academia...i'm all about fluff and air-headness here....


anyway, i'm all about yui's new song again...i think anime is a big influence on my music playlist as a lot of the japanese artists that i know now are initially singers of opening/ending songs for my various favourite anime series...yui's again is the opening for the new full metal alchemist: brotherhood anime...again, since i'm in such a giving mood, u can listen to the song here...no need to scramble and find it online ^^


i love yui since i heard her song for bleach...i love her song tokyo...i just love her songs...ah utada hikaru released her new album a few weeks ago!i can't wait to listen to her new album...she's my absolute favourite!i love hikari, first love and kremlin dust...a lot of my friends and my sisters said that kremlin dust is such a weird song but i find it charming...i has so much feeling packed into one song....and it's haunting and beautiful...ah now i'm waxing lyrical...hehehe...





ah all this talk about songs remind me of my dinner with rachel yesterday...i love my weekly dinner with rachel...she make my life in auckland much much nicer...we talk about whatever under the sun and she really listens...she's the best!i served chocolate drink, a slice of spinach and feta quiche, rice with potato and peas curry, cabbage cooked with onion and garlic and fried eggs...as for dessert, i made boysenberry (relic of our last boysenberry chocolate brownie and cheesecake baking session) panna cotta...ah but my boysenberry panna cotta doesn't turn into panna cotta...as usual, i had no patience in melting the gelatin, thus my panna cotta turned into a boysenberry sweet milk dessert, with bits of gelatin glaringly sticking at the bottom of my beautiful new cherry red and white ramekins...rachel, being rachel (she's genuinely one of the nicest persons that i've been privileged to know), said she liked it...at least its edible...


ah apart from the gelatin disaster, i love my boysenberry panna cotta...here's my own very recipe of boysenberry panna cotta (err i didn't actually created it, i got the basic ingredients online and tweaked it to my taste):

ingredients:

• 6 fresh/frozen boysenberries, optional (any fruit is fine, depending on season and taste)
• 1/4 cup of sugar (put less if u don't like it too sweet)
  
• 2 cups of milk (i use powdered milk and it still tasted great...replacing milk with soy is also fine, for those who are allergic to dairy products)
• 1/2 tablespoon of gelatin
• 1 cup of cream, optional (i don't use it, too lazy to go out and buy...i think adding heavy cream will make the panna cotta taste nicer)
• 1 teaspoon of vanilla essence
  

instruction:

• put 3 boysenberries in each ramekin
  
• add all of the ingredients above excepting the boysenberries into a pot and stir
• heat up the pot and all of the ingredients under a medium/low fire and stir constantly until gelatin melts and sugar dissolves
• put the readied liquid into 2 ramekins filled with boysenberries
  
• refrigerate for minimum 4 hours (the longer the better)
  
• this serves 2 (at least it serves 2 as it fills my 2 cute ramekins)

panna cotta is one of the easiest desserts that u can make...well apart from fresh fruit or cheese plate...i love the milky sweet taste and u can put anything in it...u can make a chocalate panna cotta...fruit panna cotta...plain panna cotta...it's still delicious...


ah lastly, i need to do whatever i need to do now!need to rush so tada!^^

the little things

i'm exhausted...after days of agonizing over spinach and feta quiche (yup one of my absolute favourites!), today i managed to bake one...it's creamy, it's almost perfect (well the base of the crust is a bit soggy, i made everything from the bottom including the crust, thus not too sure how long i should bake the quiche in the oven), it's scrumptious, it's beautiful and it's all mine!my precious!hahaha...anyway, i went berserk in foodtown (i went hungry these few days, combination of no pan and no ingredients, i should buy my own pans i know) and spent almost 70 bucks on food...there goes my next month's food budget...i'm making a solemn promise to myself not to spend another penny on food...well, except for buying rice (no rice anymore!haven't eaten rice since erhmm 2 weeks ago?)...


ah these last few days bore some small happiness in my life...firstly, it's the obvious, the 2 weeks break...secondly, it's the start of the latest and new season of my ultimate favourite (ah one of anyway ^^) anime - the full metal alchemist: brotherhood (the second season after soooo many torturous years of waiting)...my verdict for the first episode - I BLOODY LOVE IT!it's funny and it's great...i predict future bonding, the latest season and i...this is a good news considering boys over flowers (hana yori dango korean version) drama and skip beat anime have ended with much fanfare...at least i have something light-hearted to look forward to when i go online...


thirdly, ah my fellow neighbour is displaying her talent in singing scary movie's song, right now as i'm typing..it's disturbing...oh that's not the third important announcement...the third is the fact that i manage to see sunshine after my temporary venture into vampire-dom (i slept at dawn and woke up at sunset)...my valiant attempt to correct my wacky sleeping time is showing some promise!but sadly i missed the dinner at meghna's family friend's place (aunt barthi, who is very nice!) yesterday...i promised to bake my boisonberry cheesecake and chocolate brownie (rachel and i baked this a few weeks ago, it was tres tres tres yummy!thanks rachel!she found the recipe) to bring to the dinner...depending on how u see it, luckily (or the other way round) foodtown was closed as it was good friday yesterday, so i couldn't get the ingredients anyway...


lastly, i'm happy as i watched a lot of great movies these few days...most of them entertaining and one is very disturbing...i highly recommend these few korean movies to watch (to casual movie fans, not the avid ones who value the cinamatic crap whatsoever that i never managed to grasp) which are april snow (oechul in korean), sympathy for lady vengeance and my tutor friend 2...april snow is a slow movie (be warned!it's not an action thriller or happy-go-lucky romance)...bae yong jun looked hot and buff (the main attraction of course) but i'd say i like the storyline too...the movie is about a man and a woman who met in a painful circumstance (hint - accident to spouses and adultery and cheating...enough said)...sympathy for lady vengeance is disturbing but has a good plot and great acting...this movie is about a lady who is seeking revenge for her imprisonment...it has blood and gore (displayed in a tastefully way...hmm tasteful way?err...)...my tutor friend is a romantic comedy...it's light and doesn't tax ur brain...it is 100% guaranteed pure fluff, hilarious and cute...


i have a lot more of littlest things that sparked happiness...i'm happy that i am happy now!

walking down my memory lane

boredom leads to all sort of crazy behaviours...one of them is typing my old high school name on google, trying to find any information related to my 'dear old school'...my high school is an all-girls boarding school and school d'esprit is the main agenda...as most of my friends will definitely say, i am not buying the whole school spirit thing...sure i love my school...i learned and experienced a lot during my formative years here...i remember all sorts of crazy stories that pops up every time the name of my school was mentioned...anyway, this post is not about the so-called greatness of my school...it's more of my fond memories of my time there...


i remember that i used to sleep almost every afternoon, after my afternoon prep session (prep session is a session after official school hours whereby students are supposed to study and do whatever it is related to schoolwork - there are the afternoon and evening prep sessions everyday on weekdays)...where everyone (well, almost everyone) were busily enhancing their CV with co-curricular activities, i spent it on busily enhancing my sleep hours (hey we need minimum of 8 hours of sleep to get a healthy quality life)...i'm pretty sure a lot of people will remember me because of my sleep sessions...


i was not into junior-torturing...i didn't care if my juniors don't remember my names...i didn't remember theirs for sure...i had nothing against my seniors excepting the fact they were scary (they morphed into super bullies when it comes to junior-senior relationship and what it entails, in this case extreme respect even though they didn't earned it) when it comes to remembering all teeny tiny details of themselves (things like what's my mother's maternal aunty's cousin's name?what do i love to do every second weekend?)...but oh well, i learned not to bully my juniors from them...i was very laidback (still is ^^) and i respect people who respect me....


i also remember the book-after rule...book-after rule is established for fairness of use of common facilities such as ironing time, the use of public phone and so on...it is a fairly good system as the person who comes first get to use the facility and the person who comes after can book her turn so that she doesn't have to wait/waste her time until she can get her turn...we also use a lot of objects to line up as a sign of booking after...we lined up our toiletries buckets for showering turn...it's very tidy and pretty cool (and sometimes pretty funny)...it was universally understood that we must use a certain facility for a certain time (example, calling should be around 10-20 minutes per person, showering should take around 10 minutes on average, though i take ages to shower, sorry, and so on)...i loved this system...


i also remember the fact that the girls were such great actresses (aka hypocrites)...whenever we get visitors, we became proper ladies...no noise during formal dinner (we had formal dinners everyday to supposedly teach us table manners) when the usual was like night market level of noise pollution (it seemed like girls never ran out of topic to gossip even though we see each other like 16 hours a day daily)...we worked diligently during class periods and prep sessions when mostly, usually we had bored faces and sleep or gossip during prep....we cleaned up our dorms and classes and school areas like goodly trained cleaners when we usually tried to avoid cleaning duties (the houses or classes that managed to get the lowest merit points of the week would have to do a lot of cleaning up)...


saturday morning weeding session is one of the most memorable thing that etched on my mind...i hated weeding...i tried my very best with avoidance/minimalist work strategies...i went back home on friday afternoons, or did enough to satisfy the guards oopps prefects on duty but really, deep down, i hated it with a blinding passion...usually i weed with extreme reluctance...ah let's not forget my dear dear wardens...most of the senior wardens, cik aisya (is that how i should spell her name?) and ustazah (i apologise, i really have forgotten her name), probably put my name on their personal all-time hit list...they tried to avoid me as much as possible which was impossible due to the fact i liked to bug them on going home permission almost every week...well, we were destined to be together (ickkkk save me from maudliness!)...


i also remember loving cik aisya's speeches during formal dinner as she was caustic and sarcastic (i had fun)...one of the most well remembered speech was about toilets and their state of disgustingdom...her speech was truly marvelous that she managed to kill almost 80% of the students' appetite for dinner...another indication was the really loud laughter coming from the dinning hall's staff area...we couldn't (well i couldn't) hold our head up in front of the dining hall staff when dinner ended...another great speech was her reading of one of the student's letter (the concept of privacy never exists here, we had cik aisya's spies everywhere)...she read the whole letter including the address on the envelope...i admit, the bland tone of her voice plus the crazy content (let's not forget the address) of the letter was a really good combination...the letter writer wrote our school address perfectly...in english...get it?our address is full of malay words but the ingenious letter writer decided to crank it up by translating the whole address, literally...

it became 'bright princess school (sekolah seri puteri),
water pond street (jalan kolam ayer),
muddy bank (kuala lumpur)'...
thank god he couldn't translate 'malaysia'...

ah i remember a lot of things...some of them bad, most of them good...back then i wished (fervently) i could go out of this 'prison' as soon as possible...now i wish i enjoy myself more...i learned it's no use to regret...but reflection is fine as long as i don't long for yesterdays...looking back, i truly agree for the fact that time changes our perspectives...i don't hate my shool at all (as i used to say all the time back then...or was it indifferent?)....ah did i mentioned about our unique school rule that prohibits the students from walking/stepping on the green grass?and the rule of using the covered walkway when it rains (not running in the rain for us mere mortals, we'd melt under the water onslaught)....i love this wacky rules...


p/s: don't want to put pictures of my school...i'm done with online image stealing...err...not really...to lazy to find it online...

we interrupt this post to for the latest weather report...

*bleep**bleep**bleep*....yes that is a string of profanities being uttered by the weather reporter aka moi...auckland is currently facing a really weird weather change...from really hot blistering (okay, i admit, not as hot as south east asian hot) summer, skipping nice lovely warm-cool autumn, straight to cold, windy, rainy winter!as i'm writing this, it is raining outside my window...it's cold!and my portable heater broke down (as what my previous heaters do every year so it's fate is very predictable) last year...my room heater...well...it was fixed in the year 1800 (okay maybe 20 years ago but u get it, it's OLD and NOT WORKING!)...


anyway, i envy evie as she has already bought a heater...me, i'm totally broke now (it's the end of the trimonthly allowance period as u must know)...meghna's heater is a wonder of this apartment as hers is way more modern than evie's and mine...so it works...i'm the only one totally under prepared for the onslaught of sudden cold...my feet are freezing...my hands are shaking with cold...i took really hot showers and put my hands under the hot water at the sink at the pantry...they are all temporary solutions...still need a heater...auckland may not be as cold as the other parts of the world but u can't live without sweaters and heater right this moment...


i have a runny nose (which is tres disgusting) and i sneeze every 6 seconds...i'm running out of clean tissues (hey!i'm not recycling the used ones...that's way yucky!)...i'm running out of clean underwears (unrelated to this issue but i'm having my ADHD moment now)...anyway, i dread to go out these days...i rather have a cold weather than a warm one as i can switch on the heater but my heater is giving up the ghost, so i'm left bereft...that's the main reason why i hibernate for more than 12 hours these days (and because of the mid-semester break) under the covers...i feel sluggish and slow lately (must be due to the excessive sleep)...my head rings like i'm having a massive hangover...now i know what jae felt in the morning after his alcohol indulgence...i visit mr potty all the time and due to that i lose body heat...


anyway, i can safely say auckland's weather is in the hands of God now...it's weird and i feel weird...just to let u know...

chocolate cake anyone?

i used to spell chocolate 'chocholate'...my english teacher, the venerable miss shal, spotted that right away...i wonder how i can spell complicated, non frequently used words such as indiscretion and judicious so easily while common words like chocolate and tomorrow become casualties of misspelling...no wonder my english teacher singled me out every time our english exam papers were marked...she would make sure my english essay would be marked down by a few marks than what i initially obtained (our papers were marked by other english teachers while our own teacher marked other classes' english papers)...not that my marked down marks make any difference to my overall grade...anyway, that's not even related to what i am planning to write about (just another of my mindless ramblings, err, more like a trip down the memory lane, to be more apt)...


anyway, the real issue of this post is my uncontrollable gluttony for chocolate cake...i ate like one whole big chocolate cake these days...i ate half of this chocolate cake evie bought from foodtown...it was yummy (of course, i ate most of it!)...then today, jessie bought this huge chunk of sumptuous chocolate cake that she baked...it was her 19th b-day (happy happy happy b-day to u jessie!may u have the greatest year to come!)...i ate the whole chunk...then, i ate like a quater of the same cake that evie bought yesterday (she bought two for the price of one)...i had to literally drag myself away from our coffee table and from devouring the rest of the cake...


i distracted myself by boiling water in the microwave (yup, dear angie, our esteemed agent has yet to bring the cord of the kettle, it's been a week delay already, i think she is literally producing the cord herself), washing the tall pile of dishes (how come the dishes keep on piling up every second?), putting the rest of my dinner tom yum soup into container and the fridge and finally, writing this useless post...my whole body is suffused by chocolate cake....this is my chocolate cake binge after a long, long time...come to think of it, i've never binge on chocolate cake before, cheesecake, now that's another story...

men and women & venus and mars

put (my friend, a girl, it's her nickname) brought forward this article today...i was bored, i had free time (yes, it's that time of the semester, called mid-sem break), my friends are all too busy to have fun (actually i'm supposed to study for tests and assignments, but oh well)...i got on reading...man the article cracked me up!its in-your-face straightforward tone and manner is easy to understand...its view is closely related to what i've felt and observed so far and yes, i LOVE it!the article was written by Lucian and it's unsurprisingly called How Women Select Men and it's a fabulous read to those who have too much time in their hands (or contemplating their ceiling's intricate design)....


the question of the century (ah there are many but i like to spout big statement, bear with me)...how does a woman choose a man?we list the qualities that we would like to find in our ideal mate but we drool over robert pattison (or brad pitt, or any hollywood money-maker males that are currently topping the chart of 'i'm bluff, i'm beautiful, i'm rich')....we would say 'i want him to be faithful, be able to provide for me and our children, nice to small animals, have patience of a saint coz i do test people's patience with my non stop babbling' bla bla bla...but we also want him to be reasonably attractive to us personally...this attractiveness includes his ability to string two words together, his ability to appear to listen when we talk their ears off, his physical attributes (must be at least 1 cm/inch taller than us, we prefer to look up, not down, thank you and no body odour please, that's a major turn off) and so on...


so can we say we actually decide who we would like to be paired off with?ultimately, yes...women do choose their ideal mates...we spurn those whom we find unattractive or unsuitable for a long term...nicely of course (some may not agree)...unless, we want a one night stand or one off experience...which does not count as who we ultimately settle down with is the most important...the men in between, they can be chalked down to experiments and lessons to be learned...we choose the traits we find desirable and we push those which we don't want...but all these traits are most important to the woman herself...if she wants to have a nice secure relationship, she will find a nice, secure man...if she wants an exciting life, she'll find an exciting man...but then again, there are types who go for the opposite...if she's shy, she is drawn to an extrovert male...if she's poor, she wants a rich man...


so you see what i mean?women are choosers...they pick and choose...ask any woman...a woman has her own standards (barring those who are in a dead-end relationships such as those with abusers and total losers, that types need to be discussed in another time)...we'll be happy to settle down if we have enough potential materials in our hands...i remember this conversation i have with evie long, long ago...we were talking about a mutual girlfriend and she said something like 'she has to wake up and open her eyes wide...i see no potential with him...he's happy where he is and right now, he's fast being left behind by her...she has a higher education, while he is happy to work and not pursue a better prospect, not ambitious enough'...i can conclude that we screen our mates material way before they achieve their potentials...we want to see a potential, something that we want to see materialised in our ideal mate in the future...we also want them ideally to be superior than us...we want to respect them...we also want them to respect us...


relationships and the mating dance are intricate and delicate...they are lovely and inspiring and fun...they also have their pitfalls with mistakes and heartaches in abundance...but women for centuries still conciously or unconciously still involve themselves in this game of love...i'm not an expert by any means...but i find this topic very interesting and has so much to be discussed on...love is what i want to find in my ideal mate...the others, yes they are important, and yes, they are compulsory too, but i want to be able to at least love him regardless of his faults and foibles...isn't that the ultimate truth?

the artist in me ^^

as u can see i'm making a conscious effort to dabble with photoshop and a host of other virtual artsy things to revamp my blog outlook (not that i'm successful)...i'm trying my best and i got distracted from my main aim (blog revamp) due to the nature of the whole thing which is - FUN FUN FUN!i downloaded a host of cute and great looking fonts and graphics and having a blast photoshopping (does such word exist?)...i even changed my desktop background like thousands of times...i'm loving it!!!


anyway, this is not my best effort...i'm not doing my best to find a great template that mirrors the image of me...still...do u notice my new heading?i love the curves and the colour tone!anyway, i'm still fooling around with graphics stuff (i don't create them!i download and edit them!)...today's my fun-filled day!ah to end this very unnessesary and unimportant post, i'm itching to share my new desktop look...tada!:







ah i also just finished this 5 seconds ago and brimming with childish excitement to share with the whole wide world (cue happy song)!i'll print this and put this up on our (evie, meghna and i) apartment's entrance door...this will be pretty to look at compared to that annoying 'burger fuel' sticker sticking under the peeping hole...man, that embarrases me...as if the inhibitants behind this door gorge on those super-humongous yummy burgers day and night!man i wish!ah one door sign coming up:

a tribute to goodbye lenin!

evie (my flatmate) loves europe and things associated to this continent...she is studying german so unsurprisingly she watches european movies especially german movies....she insisted me to watch this movie called 'Goodbye Lenin!' which is according to her 'a very moving and great story'...so i decided to give it a go and watched....


firstly, i would like to state that i rarely watch movies and dramas...anymore...i used to be addicted to the tv but now i have more things to be addicted to (like romance and yup blogging)...anyway, i am strictly a non-professional critique but this is what i felt after i watched the film (which is about a minute ago)...ah film is a literary or provocative piece to educate the mass while movie is solely for entertainment (i've learned)...this piece is both a movie and film...


i really love Goodbye Lenin!...it's a truly great movie and it's golden globe nomination is not much of a surprise...it's a tale of a young man, named alexander kerner (alex) and his love for his dear mother christiane kerner and east germany old socialist rule during the unification period...the casts are very good actors and the storyline is perfectly paced and for my untrained eyes, very easy to understand compared to other independent/literary/artsy movies/films...i've watched 'amelie' (which i also love) and 'in the mood for love' and i would say that this movie is comparable to these movies in its own unique way....


in the era when Hollywood and its crazy quibbles rule, european and asian movies are, often than not, overlooked...unless it's hyped up for some reasons by Hollywood, it's nothing...this movie is a hyped up movie but i still love it...alex is a character with his own faults and endearing traits...his biggest fault is undermining his mother's strength to accept the truth...he creates a world whcih has passed its golden glory (east germany socialism era) and makes everyone pretends to be who they were before christiane's 8-month coma period...but i can understand his position...he loves his mother unstintingly...he believes her and he believe in her beliefs....i believe that he sees no fault in her but his eyes are opened when she confesses about the truth of his father's leaving...and he still loves her and do his utmost to protect her belief...i will not spoil the whole story here but suffice to say that all the characters have their own strength and weaknesses...even so, everyone tries their best to adapt and i love the bond between alex, christiane and ariane (alex's sister)...


i love this film from the start to the end...the opening scene is especially touching...it's ending is beautiful....and there is something to be learned from everything in between...for more information on this beautiful movie, read Goodbye Lenin! at its wiki page...give it a try...some things may be lost in translation but i am sure the main message is understood...this is my personal tribute to this great film...thanks so much evie!

girl power!

i love to relate myself (or anything be it close or as far unrelated-related possible) to song's lyrics...i was hanging out with gaurav after amin's bdy dinner (yes it's thai chilli near westfield again, it has seen a lot of me)...while we were talking they played this song by britney...i'm pretty sure it was britney spears....her voice is distinctive...anyway, i remember i got her new album n start going through all songs when i came back (by the way, gaurav, i officially fell in love with u because of ur bmw!it is waaaay wicked!!!!!)...i found the song...ah moving on, i listened to other songs n i found this song called 'shattered glass'...it's empowering!!!i don't even have a cheating bastard of a bf but i kinda like this song...it feels like if i unluckily to have one, i'll probably be like 'hey u (name automatically erased from memory 2 seconds after knowing what a cheating lying piece of shit he is) take this!i don't need u!all the more power to moi!'


anyway, being proud of the owner of 'single, available and having a blast of a life right now!' status, i never fall in love...yet...or experience the joy (and let's not be all flowery and happy and forget the pain) of having a significant others...as gaurav was saying, it's not my time yet...he'll be around somewhere...anyway, moving on (again), i will probably think that if i am in the shoes of being cheated on, somewhere along i will most probably have these questions of whys...especially 'why do u do it'...then when i stop crying bemoaning my fate i'll probably think 'does she worth it'...i will also think 'do u regret it'...'do u feel guilty'...'have u ever think of me when u do it'....'do u feel more of a man now'...'is she the one u r looking for'...they are all relevant somehow...i think i will need some kind of closure to move on...i hate the idea that i will hang on to memories and 'what ifs' and feel like i'm lacking somewhere and somehow at fault...


i think, based on an assumption from real life experiences of friends and err romance books, i want to emerge as the better man, in this case, a better woman in this dead-end relationship...i want to learn something and accept the fact that i need to just move on...ah being a normal human females, i will also want him to suffer...at least for a while...no need to equip yourselves with iron armor and suit gentlemen...i will try to restrain myself from detaching any of ur ehem vital body part (u what it is...it's ur second brain)...i just want to feel justified...as in equal in the 'hurt treatment'...u hurt me, u hurt urself too...that kind of feeling....



anyway, writing this gets the issue of 'what i will most probably do' off my chest...pray that i won't get that type of man...let fidelity and loyalty be permanent part of his vocabulary...in the end i need all of my girl power...relationship is an investment that will pay (be it a gain or lost) and the wisest investment needs constant tender loving and care...i'll invest one day...just not today...or probably tomorrow...ah or anytime soon!hahahaha...loving the carefree life too much!