Depressive-Addictive Syndrome

it's a serious disease...it's pathology is yet to be known...it's a psychological disease whereby one is addicted to sadness...in the forms of songs, dramas, movies and yes, music videos (mv)...in the case of patient H (harley - name omitted to protect person involved), she is observed to be dedicating at least 30 minutes of her day to listening to depressing songs or watching depressing music videos...she is known to list sad songs as her favourites...

for example, her latest so-called 'favourites' include ft island - love love love (which is a song about a guy letting go of his loved one), big bang - tell me goodbye (a song about a guy protecting his loved one by leaving her) and taeyang - wedding dress (a song with a theme of a beloved marrying another guy)...all of these songs is themed around hopelessness of love...the music videos of these songs (also patient H's current favourites) are so dark, it's filled with the feeling of depression and sadness...

patient H is currently showing a tendency to cry at slightest provocation when she is alone...she is waiting for a more conclusive diagnosis and better treatment than indulging to more sad songs and music videos...ah, patient H also has a history of crying at a lilo and stitch (disney) movie during lilo's-older-sister-was-explaining-to-lilo-that-she-would-always-be-lilo's family scene...

happy birthday Dino!

before aliens take over my brain (who the heck wants to take over a cheese-brain, mind you?), i would like to wish a friend of mine, Dino, a very happy birthday...may all your wishes come true :)

p/s: i offend a lot of people, i know, for not remembering their birthdays...but i don't expect people to remember my birthdays, so........err....

'A Girl Thinks Her Life Is Very Fascinating, She Bares All!' - UoA Tabloid September 2010

i don't know why but i am deeply fascinated with newspaper headings...and transferring that to my whole life...do you know what i am talking about?...no?...if you don't, now is the time to go and have your head checked, as i am pretty sure you are screwed...nah...i don't even know what i am talking about...err...anyway, my favourite is crossing-the-road-heading...i am a crazy woman who thinks people will give a damn if i die or hurt in a motor accident...like a painter you know...those painters have to die before people recognize their genius, but in my case, minus the genius, just the lunatic...

anyway (clap clap clap to my favourite word of all time), when i am crossing a road, especially here in auckland, i always feel like my life is flashing fast forward...fast forward: tomorrow's newspaper heading 'a stupid girl who jaywalked gets hit by a 40 km/h car'...that kind of thing...or 'a girl hospitalised due to serious injury of hitting a slow-speeding car in an attempt to avoid life'...anyyyywayyy (agian, *sigh*), my life is all about newspaper headings...maybe i should post one for every significant heading i think of...it's all about sharing, right????...

baby

my sisters love babies...the not-yet-talking types...in that, we differ like night and day...i love looking at cute babies, but at lost when it comes to dealing with them...anyway, the whole point is, my sisters love babies...the end.

*&&^£(W))"(£@@M"**$!!!!

is anger infectious?...somehow for me it is...when someone gets angry, i got angry too...then somehow i become angrier and angrier...truthfully, i am never a calm person...i get angry easily...but then again, i calm down easily too...for example, this is a conversation i have with my mom some time ago:

mama: do you know, that auntie who sells perfumes is selling this bla bla perfume for bla bla price...but i told her my daughters always give me perfumes as present so i already have one too many...

me: then tell her you are sorry but you are not interested...you are not hurting her feelings, i assure you...

mama: but, i feel guilty nonetheless...

me: are her perfumes cheap?

mama: the A perfume is A dollars...what do you think? (my mama rarely buys perfumes for herself since we love to give her perfumes as present)

me: are you kidding me???...for that price i can buy a whole new liver!...she's cheating you! (somehow i am getting angrier and angrier for nothing)

mama: well, maybe i should just buy one...

me: no ma!...tell her to piss off!!!...old fart!...cheating her own neighbour!....what a bunch of crock shit!...(getting angrier and started to curse and calling names to a blameless, well not so blameless, neighbour who is trying to make a sale)

see?...i get angry without appropriate reasons...all the time...maybe i should try anger management or something...huhuhu...that is why, no one, i repeat, no one should come to me and tell me their tale of woes...because woe betide those who wrong my family or friends, i become veritable tartar who attacks without sufficient provocation...after that i will definitely definitely regret it...somehow my life is filled with past regrets...*sigh*

Big Bang - Tell Me Goodbye

a present for my fellow friends who know how i love this song...the mv is super great!!!...i don't know why i felt like daesung and seungri were super super super awesome and cool in this mv!!!!LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS!

this is also a special dedication to rachel, who share my love of all things korean and b, who loves big bang like there's no tomorrow (with an exception of ft island)...

my family celebration of Eid at Nenek Maridah's (maternal granny's house)

alin (right), gegel (middle), aboy (left)

@alin - that's MY CLUTCH you were holding!!!!

gegel (right), aboy (middle) & jaja (left)

@aboy -what's with the slippers?

@gegel - love the necklace!

@jaja - still no more ang pao this year?

my daddy dearest!

@ba - where's your baju melayu (traditional Malay clothes, similar to the clothes my baby brother were wearing on top)?

my mama :)

@mama - mama = money?hahahaha

One of the reasons why I never have a significant other:

okay, i have another psychotic habit to getting into something so enthusiastically that i end up not finishing/ending it or losing interest halfway through...for example, this blog is a testament of this habit...there will be one period when i write and share non stop of everything i see or feeling and there will be a time where silence or absence is the word...during the incessant burst of ideas, i have so much thought i scarcely know where to put these ideas...it's crazy and my writings become really haphazard...when i don't feel like sharing or writing, well, there will be nothing...nothing as in no anything...zip..nada...

another example is watching movies...i would really get crazy in wanting to watch a movie based on rave reviews i hear from friends/media that i go to great lengths in finding the movie...especially if the movie is an old one or unaccessible for some reasons at that particular time...once i got hold of the movie (either from a streaming site or downloading it illegally), i will watch probably around 10 minutes of the opening, then start skipping it until i reach the end...skipping is an attention disorder effect whereby one watches about 15 seconds of a movie/drama scene before moving on to another 10 seconds of further scene and so on...or put watching the rest of the movie on hold, which turns into forever...or skipping for steamy scenes (hey i am human after all) or funny ones or romantic ones...or skipping randomly for around 5 minutes before giving up for altogether...

this habit hold true to dramas too...from about 10 dramas i start watching, i will end up watching about 2 until the very end...even the 2 doesn't deserve the cavalier treatment they get...i will avidly watch first few episodes before starting the 'skipping' habit of watching only a few episodes or a few minutes per episode...the ones i like, i mean really intensely like, will probably escape this death by negligence....however, be aware that the ones that i intensely like are so rare i can safely say that i have probably watch about 10 to 15 dramas in my lifetime that i watch until the end (the 'skipping' habit included in this number)....

that's why when i really want to do something, it's the best if i do it immediately...if not, i will definitely lose interest and bam, bye bye whatever i fell in love with at the moment...that is also why when i want to write something i will immediately write, even if it doesn't make sense (which most probably contribute to 99% of gibberish you can find in this blog huhuhu)...and no, i rarely really recheck my post for errors simply because i lose interest after posting it...hohoho...that's who i am...love-them-leave-them kinda person hohoho...i'm commitment phobic...i'm getting help...say in 10 years?

truthfully...

i'm a believer that people who are close to me (friends and family) should read my feelings from my speech and body language...yes, it's ridiculous....i mean, heck, i read too much into things when i see my close friends or family (content of speech, from their body movement, facial expressions, tone of voice, details like that), i twist things around, thinking that things are more that they are...but hey, if that's how my world rocks, it works...err...i don't even know what blather i am talking about now...

anyway, i am an insensitive fool who wants people to understand the subliminal message that i send from my tone or subtle content in my response or my body language...but guess what?...people just don't care...i mean, come on....if you want to say something just scream it across... subtlety never, urhmm, rarely pays...if you want to tell you friends to buzz off, just tell them, respectfully mind you, to buzz off...if you want your parents to pay attention, repeat your message over and over, again respectfully...there's no need to be rude...

talking straight is the best way to communicate...but somehow, as we grow older, we are less prone to telling the truth and twist things around so much that the other person doesn't get what you really mean...i blame this on political correctness and respecting people's sensitivity and feelings...but realistically, i do this all the time...it's hard to disregard other people's feelings...i want people to take care of mine so i have to take care of theirs...

anyway, the take home message is, sometimes there are circumstances that we have to straighten our spine and do some straight talking...beating around the bush will only frustrate you further and make you want to pluck every hair follicle you have on your armpits and in the end of the day, the other person doesn't even get the whole point!...i admit i am cowardly, but sometimes, just sometimes, i do find the right words and say it...things don't get any easier or more difficult than speaking your mind truthfully...say it and the truth will set you free...or make an enemy out of an old friend, depending on the situation -_-"

not now, harley, not now!

okay, this has nothing to do with Eid, but heck i will say my piece or keep my silence and die...malaysians especially the malays have the tendency to spell things wrongly (let's forget about grammar and vocabs, i make mistakes too)...one thing that always always always get on my nerves is: spelling thingz instead of things (substituting an 's' with a 'z')...what the heck???...i mean, i do sometimes text my friends 'help me plzzzz' but that's the extent of 'z' addiction i have...

but 'i hate to say this, but thingz are heating up here!he's soooo hotz!!!this drama is so best!!!'...first of all, that is so highschool-ish...'hotz'????...never in my dreams that my english teacher will allow me to add a 'z' on hot with a thumb's up, unless she has been kidnapped into an alternate universe of 'z'...secondly, 'so best'?...arghh...i admit, i do direct translation too, but come on!...do take 20 seconds and read your post again before hitting the 'save' button!!!!....it will save u a lot of grief!!...

p/s: remind me to talk about english-ized malay words another time...you know, spelling malay words the english way...like spelling 'korang' 'korukz'...heck, 'korang' is a street word in the first place...it probably doesn't exist in the dictionary...but korunkz????...it's so wrong it breaks all 11 rules of language (wrong wrong wrong 11x)...

Eid Mubarak 2010

Eid Mubarak to all...I plead for forgiveness and sending all my love to my loved ones, Mama, Baba, Jaja, Gegel, Alin, Aboy, Nenek Maridah, my family and friends...I miss all of you...

this one

this one loves big bang...just want to share ^^

p/s: this is one of my favourites of big bang ^^

pp/s: isn't she the cutest?????my b is the cutest!!!

preview

i got an early bday present!!!!it was from yaya, dora and fazan!!!!it is a beautiful purple top that i fell in love with as soon as i've seen it...will take a picture and upload it here soonish :)

kumawo girls!!!it's very very beautiful!

boriiinnggggg

okay, this is totally unrelated to those who are don't even care about korean entertainment industry but since i do, it's my right to say what i like...first, after watching quite a few variety shows, i must admit ALMOST ALL SNSD (that's Girl's Generation) MEMBERS HAVE NO PERSONALITY, NOT INTERESTING & IMMATURE...in other words, just plain boring....i know they are young, i make allowances for that, but for the fact that at the same show, there were other younger celebrities who come out as very interesting, they stood out as dull fish...they are...especially yoona...no offense...they are JUST PLAIN BORING....stick to performance guys...or develop some personality...i sound evil, but it's true!...watch them in live shows...just plain BORING!....

rage 02

raging in days...i don't understand it either...can i go classic and blame it on my female hormones?

why?...tell me why!

one thing that always always astound and stump me is how korean celebrities only get married when they have a bun in their oven....you know what i mean right?...well, maybe it's a generalized statement but come on....if i make a list of korean celebs who marry when they/their gfs are 3 to 5 months old pregnant and charge a dollar for each couple, i could potentially pay my school fees and loans!...

anyway, the main issue that remains mysterious to me is how about half of these couples are very public about their love and affection...wait, the story is hanging there...continuation: how they coo and mooch their love forever and ever in shows and such but only hold a wedding when a baby is on its way...'i love you and you love me and we are one happy oooopppsy oppa, i'm preggie! we are in a world of trouble now! let's make it official before this become a problem of epic proportion!'...

another thing is, sometimes, some of them are together for such long time, people even forgot that they are together!...hey, if you can be together for 3 to 10 years, or even live together for that amount of time, why not tie the knot?...i heard it's very traditional there in korea, where marriage is still being held sanctity...if you can make a baby, either accidental (don't you know abstaining is the best contraception?...i thought people learned it in school, not in malaysia though...that's another story) or not (can you not just wait a bit until the i's dotted and t's crossed?), that means you have a healthy sex life as it is, what's the difference between getting married or eventually get married when one gets pregnant?

anyhow, it's not my problem and these korean celebs don't even know or care about me and my opinions...i'm just stumped by the sheer stupidity of it...i don't care if anyone gets pregnant before marriage...i don't care if they get married...i mean hey, it's their life, their choice....but the number of korean celebs getting married and boom!, a baby 2 to 4 months later, just astounds me...why?...just tell me why!...why do you guys keep doing this?...it's like sending a message to others:

'we got married because we got pregnant'

instead of...

'we got married because we are in love'

.....despite the tears and lovey dovey poses in the wedding pictures.

fook yuu!

anyone who knows me knows i love anything korea...korean dramas, movies and songs, i love them all...well, mostly...anyway, naturally i am fascinated with koreans...in auckland, it's like a mini korea, where there are koreans everywhere...i've met lots of koreans but talked to so few of them...one guy, i've seen him so many times in uniguide and ambassador (uni of auckland's programmes that i've done for 2 years, so far), but i've never got the chance to talk to him...

see, there are too many of us, uniguides and ambassadors, i mean...but one thing for sure, only about 1/4 keep coming back (like ole me!)...so, i got my chance about a few days ago...my friend joyce knows him...so when we saw him trying to get in the locked-out clock tower (one of uni's buildings), we tried to help him...while waiting for help, i, being a shameless person that i am, told him how obsessed i am in all things korea...he kinda understood and even entertained me by doing korean imitations...

you see, a few days ago i saw a clip of a korean movie by one of my favourite actor...this actor used to study in auckland a few years back...so, he can speak english reasonably well, with korean accent of course...in this movie he was an american (a second generation korean in america)....he spoke english all the time...but this story wasn't about him...it's about another character, who was also a korean american...he ran with the wild american crowd which cursed a lot...but, funnily, his english was sooo accented, instead of 'fuck!', it sounded very much like 'foook!'...it was damned hilarious!

thus, when i told this korean-descent guy i met at ambassador, he imitated korean accented english and started going 'well, fook you!!!!you mootha fakka!!!'...it was a moment to remember forever...kamsamida!!!!...chuwaeyo!!!!....it was awesome!!!...

rage 01

something i'm pretty sure almost all people cannot stand is people who don't take care after themselves...well, i'm, as i said earlier, pretty sure, almost all people can't stand these kind of people....i mean, i know i am definitely not perfect...i leave my messes around for other people to clean up to, intentionally or not...but one thing i would definitely definitely NEVER do is leave my shit or pee around....yes, this is crude at the basest level...you want to know why?....why, it never pay to be subtle when i want to get my message across....

i'm done with these kind of people...it's disgusting...don't you ever notice the lever for water pump in the toilet?...you know, the thing you press when you the toilet to clean your leavings...it's called a flush and you press it down for water to come from the pump into the toilet bowl...if you shit is proven to be too hard to clean up the first time, please please please learn the virtue of cleanliness and patience by waiting for the water pump to be refilled....then you press it again and repeat the process until all of your shit are all cleaned up, as in none, absolutely NO shit is left in the bowl...seriously, no one wants to come to a toilet to see some streak of shit lying somewhere around the toilet bowl...it's filthy and disgusting...please, don't you ever learn how to clean up after yourself when you were small?...

do you think someone will gladly clean up your shit?...even the cleaner who are being paid to clean up the toilet doesn't deserve to do it...they are being paid to clean, yes, but not YOUR shit...they are paid to clean the whole toilet in general, as in when the toilet has been used one too many times, it definitely is now officially dirty than shit itself and needs to be thoroughly cleaned....cleaning up individual messes is NOT anyone's job...it's your own job to clean your own shit...you make the shit, you clean it...and don't let me start on pee...

yes, pee...don't you ever checked whether the water is all clear after you've departed your pee (i don't even know why i used that word, i'm just raging here)?...pee is smelly and not flushing means the pee smell will get stronger and lingers in the damned bathroom...so, please...learn to flush...twice if you are unsure...yes, this may sound so un-environmental friendly and wastes water, but hey, i'd rather waste water than let people deal with my own damned pee...it's majorly gross and so wrong in all level that i feel like chocking the person who does this with his/her own pee...remember, leave clear fresh smelling water in the toilet, not pee-yellowy urinal smelly water!...

i know it's a public toilet but if all learn to clean after themselves, people like me can bear to use it...as it is, i always always unhealthily wait until i get home to do the small or big job, unless i cannot take it any longer...ah, and my last advice on this topic, please please please wipe the toilet seat after you used it...or if you are in malaysia, hose it with water, twice...i don't want my butt to do some indirect skinship with yours...it's unhygienic...and much much much yucky!...arghh...DO LEARN THESE 2 THINGS:

1. FLUSH UNTIL ABSOLUTELY NOTHING IS LEFT!
2. WIPE/HOSE DOWN THE TOILET SEAT!

life is too short for me to deal with people's shit and pee...i'd rather eat my own shit or drink my own pee than clean up after you disgusting people!

-end of rage-

round and round and round

a jumbled up lyrics kinda stuck in my mind for a while now...it feels like they are describing my situation right now...

'sunny came home with a vengeance...days gone by and i am hypnotized', shawn colvin - sunny came home

'you can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave', eagles - hotel california

'you're trying to ease off, but you know you won't get far', lene marlin - unforgivable sinner

don't worry, i know it's not infectious...life, after all, has its ups and downs...beautiful beautiful words...

'

local-lah!

new month, new resolution...actually, i'm sticking to my previous resolution...the reason of this post?....well, it's to tell the whole world what a cheat i am...yes, i am a copycat...i copy a lot of things...i cook the meal my friends cooked the day before...i listen to songs i heard on a friend's playlist...i write things i get inspiration from other places...basically, there's almost nothing original about me..that's it...i am doomed to in the land of un-originality and banality (the latter is another story for another day)...