Saturday, July 9, 2011

An Eulogy, A Lesson For The Living

Yesterday marked the end of a very sad life. I was debating hard on whether to share this and in the end, the need to write won. My maternal aunt just passed away yesterday afternoon in Hospital Selayang due to septicemic shock secondary to left lower limb necrotizing fasciitis. It was a slow, and I would imagine, painful death. To tell you the truth, she asked for it. Literally. She wanted, indeed, welcomed death. She had repeatedly mentioned about this, of giving up life. To her, her life is too full of disappointment, that nothing else that my grandmother and my other aunties and uncles do help. Life is just too painful. Death is an easy way out.

In a way, I am greatly relieved, for her and for my Mama and Nenek (grandmother). They cried so many tears over my Aunt, Mak Lang. So many bitter painful tears. To Mama and Nenek, she was never out of their prayers. At the same time, I am angry, angry at her husband's family, and angry at Mak Lang who gave up life so easily. There is always something to look forward to. Something you'll never know may happen in the future. Maybe a future grandchild, you'll never know. Mak Lang (my deceased aunt) was just too young to give in. She was 48 when she passed away. Too young.

In a way, life had given her many blessings. She was born very pretty, in fact, the most beautiful amongst her siblings. And that is to say, she was indeed very beautiful as my mother is still very youthful looking and very beautiful at her age (imagine my mother having me in her mid-20s and count my age, you'll know how old my Mama is). She was very fair and very vivacious, according to Mama. The thing is, all of this story is a second-hand knowledge, passed from Mama, Nenek and my various Aunties. I didn't know Mak Lang personally or all that well, sad to say.

I only saw her frequently, during Hari Raya (Eid Mubarak) and factor in the years I hadn't managed to celebrate the Eid with my family (around 5 years), so I could say I hadn't seen Mak Lang for about that amount of time. Mama refused to speak of Mak Lang most of the time. I understand. Mak Lang was a sore spot for Mama. Mama is like the head of her family. She worked hard to help her siblings to get proper education and keep them together as a family and Mak Lang was the one who failed to understand Mama's love and sacrifice.

The beginning to an end started when Mak Lang was 17 years old. My maternal granfather just passed away (I think Mama was 18 years old back then, just finishing her SPM, a national schooling exam). If I'm not mistaken, my grandfather just passed away less than a month before Mak Lang insisted that she wanted to get married to her tuition teacher, my 'estimable' (and I meant it in the 'nicest' way possible) uncle-in-law. He's a natural born lecher with perchance of anything that walks with a skirt. He's disgusting-looking (believe me, I saw him the first time in life and I see nothing that could attract any reasonable woman, unless she's blind and an idiot, like my aunt, his second and future third wife, the slut), he's stupid, boorish, lazy and uneducated. Basically, he's the ideal bottom barrel man. He was also the one insisted to get married, as soon as humanly possible. My Nenek kept on saying that she was too young, too immature, she lacked the knowledge to start a family. She wanted Mak Lang to at least finish her high school education, which she never did.

My Nenek and Mama, in deep grief over my grandfather, with the advise of various older family members, allow her to get married due to her stubbornness and insistence. As I said, that was the beginning of an end. Her married life didn't start off auspiciously. I am a great believer in karma. What goes around will come around. I am also a great believer in blessings. Especially blessings from your parents who gave you your life. My grandmother intensely disliked my uncle-in-law from the first sight. She had her reasons, my grandmother. She is very wise, I've learned to listen when she speaks, rare as it is. My uncle-in-law comes from a bad stock. A family that is all that you don't want to be. While we cannot tar a person of the same brush, in this case, and in any case actually (I learned Psychology for 3 years, believe me, I've seen aplenty of truth in this), family history may help predict a person's personality and actions.

My uncle-in-law, his name is Burhan/Borhan/Burhannuding/whatever-shithead-name-that-is, turned out to be irresponsible, abusive womanizer. He never actually took care of my aunty. For his convenience, he deposited my aunty into a mental institution (I believe he drove her to the brink with his physical abuse). He also physically and mentally abuse my aunty. It was so bad that she was hospitalized repeatedly. My grandmother and Mama were so incensed and fed-up with the constant abuse, decided to 'take back' my aunty (the first time she was abused and hospitalized, actually) and lodged a police report. Sadly, my aunty, so used to the abuse (she actually never told her family before the hospitalization, even when Mama suspected) and brain-washed by it, refused to persecute and cancelled the police report. She even went back to the cork-brained husband.

Mama was so saddened, she said this to her idiotic bastard of brother-in-law, "We gave her to you in the best condition, so if you don't want her, please return her in the same condition, in peace. We can take care of her.". And that bastard, his arrogant answer was, "She is my responsibility. Back off.".

Mama took him to his words, she backed off, forever. She never again wanted to know and care. In turn, he abused my aunty repeatedly until late last year, she was in a critical condition due to him punching her so hard in the chest. He also rarely visited her at her home (this bastard has another slut of a wife and now is planning to marry another soon, he even brought his slut to her funeral, can you imagine? And this slut, never learning manners and discretion, introduced herself to my Mama's side of family, claiming that she's his 'high school friend'. They were seen giggling and whispering together all throughout the funeral) and rarely even supply her with necessities such as money and food. When she was pregnant twice, he returned her to my Nenek's house to be taken care of and took her back months after she gave birth. He never visited. He also took her second-born child, my cousin, a girl about my age to give to his sister (another bitch who hides under the umbrella of piety) who was unable to conceive. My aunty tried to get her back, but she was unsuccessful and lodged into a psychiatric institution. The list is just too long for me to enumerate his stupidity, shortcomings and idiotic actions, even up to my aunty's final hospitalization and funeral.

I think, yesterday's funeral is the end of a life that was full of drama and heartache. One thing I feel really really sorry for, is the fact that even when Mama and Nenek kept on saying that they accept this fate (redha) and they forgave my aunty, I think, in the deepest recesses of their hearts, they missed her a lot. They may feel that they could have done more to help her. That they could have loved her more. That they missed so many hints and lost opportunities, they are now so full of regrets. Even if I do tell Mama and Nenek that nothing they do would actually make any difference, I know, they still felt that they should have done more.

I learned that life, with God's guidance and blessings, is full of choices. Once you reach maturity, you have the full faculties to make a wise choice. If and when you are wrong, one should learn from it and try to do better. Life is all about that, trying. There is absolutely no guarantee that our life will always be peaceful and prosperous, no matter how careful we are. We walk, we run, we fall, we get up again and walk. I've also learned about forgiveness, of letting go. Holding on can be more painful for everyone. Letting go may our only option.

Life is also about memories. Physically, one may have left this world, but one's memories will always be alive, if we choose so. I've also learned more about myself. How I could hold a grudge like a miser holding a penny. I cannot let go. I know it is awful to be so outspoken and to me, that's who I am, I have a strong personality. Take me, or leave me. I can be the rudest bitch on earth, but I would say, one thing for me is I also possess a heart. Which something I cannot say about that bastard of uncle-in-law, may he rest in peace. Did I say that he died? Well, cockroaches never die, don't they? They have millions of lives.

To Mak Lang, I know this is too late, I am sorry for never knowing you. I do love you as one would naturally love a family member. You would eternally be missed. May you rest in peace.

With love,
Your niece, Nana and family.


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