it's ironic when we go around trying to find what fits us, things that make us happy and fulfilled when sometimes, just sometimes, what we want is just in front of us...along the way we make so many mistakes, some we learned from, most we don't even realize we've committed them...only when we make these particular mistakes over and over again, then we pay attention...

realistically, i made a lot of mistakes...and i will continue to do them... regrettably, in doing these mistakes, they cost me time, money and a lot of regrets...i disappointed a lot of people, particularly my own self...however, in retrospective, i don't want to continue to wallow in regrets that i am completely blinded by the future...

there is a saying, 'look behind, then continue to walk forward'...well, i am going to do that...i will look at my past so far and learn from it...i will continue to carve my own future so i can give back...to my family who has an infinite of patience and faith in me...to the government who gave me second, third and even fourth chances to start over...to my friends who continue to support me in all of my decisions, be them good or bad....

lastly, i want to believe myself again...i want to believe in the future....i want to have faith, blind faith that everything will be alright...i want to put my best two feet forward and put a lot of effort to succeed...i want to have my optimism back...in the end, i just want to want again...it has been so long since i have any semblance of ambition that i became pessimistic and all i did was just going in with the flow...may Allah bless me in my future endeavor...i believe that i have come full circle....