What I'm Hooked On These Days

I love melancholic songs of death, break-ups and heartache. I also happen to love kick-ass songs of empowerment, especially women empowerment. Go ladies! Hehehe. miss A's Good Bye Baby happens to fit the bill of empowerment :) The song and the video are not as gobsmaking as I expected (relative to their great previews). This song is intelligently sarcastic, lyrics-wise (kudos to the lyricist!) and catchy. I also think the chorus needs to be emphasized and louder (again just like their 4 previews). I'm really disappointed to not be able to see Min slapping the guy :( I want THAT storyline where all of them slap/whatever the cheating bastard, attractive that he may be :) I just thought that they should make the beat stronger (like in the preview).

Jia really stood out this time, but I already knew that she's a great dancer and she has the scratchy voice I really like. She looks beautiful in long orange hair and her singing and rapping are good. Min, my favourite, well, her expressions are really great. In fact she's the best since she has that I-don't-care and contemptuous looks all through out the video. She makes the best smirks around :) I really hope Min and Fei will have more parts in the future. After all, they are good singers. Fei needs more parts as I also happen to like her singing. She also look outstading with long brunette hair. Suzy, what can I say. She needs more training. Lots of it, in fact. She's less hesitant than before but I predict of various mistakes in their life performances, like she is wont to do. She needs to be as confident as the rest. Cuteness may be associated to her, but she needs to keep up with the rest's quiet elegance and sexiness.

However, I love miss A's brand of charm and elegance. They happen to be all great singers and dancers, relative to most Kpop girl groups. They have the kick ass attitude without the need to scream 'I'M POWERFUL!'. Don't get me wrong, SNSD and 2Ne1 may be really popular but they are so bland to me. I love 2Ne1's Apa, but the rest, not so much. I've heard them live, they are not as good as miss A. Believe me, I've scoured of all live performances of miss A and 2Ne1 and miss A came out better. Bom may be a great singer, but her live singing is just so...uninspiring. As for SNSD, enough said. Some of them may be good dancers or good singers, but rarely they belong to both groups. Their choreography is cute, but oh so boring and repeated. I want them to come out with something great like miss A's choreo, but what can you expect from 9-people group? It's just too many people in a group.

So, without further ado. Here goes:

What Malays Do Best

One thing I hate the most is people who count every one of their deeds. Don't get me wrong, you can count all you want. Do it in the privacy of your own mind or to your closest family/friends. However, it's just to disgusting when you do it in front of other people who are not even close to you. I notice this happens a lot since I've been back here in my home country. And I can safely say, this is a 'Malay mentality'. Okay, I'm making a sweeping statement here (generalisation), but seriously, it's irksome.

Being a Malay myself, that is nothing to be proud of. I'll explain. When you choose to do something, a job you are being paid of, something you've agreed to do in exchange to money and other compensations like holidays and insurance and whatnot, please do it diligently, if not sincerely. It's hateful when you say this, 'You know, I don't have to do this job. I can just leave. You should be thankful I'm here. Bla bla bla.'. That's just petty. First of all, just because I'm young, okay younger, doesn't mean that I'm blindly obedient. That's just plain stupid, I'm never one who suffers a fool.

Secondly, get this straight in your head please, no one FORCE you to take up that job. Just like when a politician/minister chooses to offer his services and done his level best to be elected for a government high administrative job, don't expect people to bow down and let you walk all over us, the mere citizens. Don't expect to do your job, the job you chose to do, the one that you are obligated to do since you are paid for it, and say, 'Hey, you should kiss my big fat ass and thank the great God that I'm here to do this. I don't have to do this, you know.'. Get it right, mister. You CHOSE to accept the responsibility and the job. We are the ONES who vote for you, not the other way round. No one put a gun on your head and force you to do it. So, just do your job well and remember that you CHOOSE to do it in the first place, we CHOOSE you in the first place (and not the other way round) and you are so well COMPENSATED with money, fame, connection, bribes, illegal stuff, cheap women and whatshit, so shut your trap.

But I digress. This actually applies to all people who work. No one told you to take up a job. You yourself has the freedom of choice to accept a job. It may be primarily due to money, I really actually don't care about your motivation/s, but just do your job. Remember (this is becoming a theme), you CHOOSE to do the job and you are PAID to do the job. It's not as if you are doing it for free. Even volunteers don't have the right to say, 'I don't need to do this, you should be thankful that I'm here to save the mankind bla bla bla.' as they VOLUNTEER. Which means, even if you are not monetarily compensated for a job, you CHOOSE to do it. Again, it's not as if someone held you with a knife on your throat and ask you to choose between your stupid fucking life or to volunteer to do a freaking job.

I fucking hate this. I hate it when people who ARE supposed to do their FREAKING job who expect us to listen and do what you bid just because you are performing a service that you CHOOSE and are PAID for. So, please, all Malays out there. Stop this, be-thankful and I-don't-need-to-do-this nonsense. Just shut your trap and do your job. Just because you are older and more experienced, it doesn't necessarily translate to being wiser and better. It doesn't mean that you don't need to earn other people's respect, especially someone younger. Younger people are not obligated to automatically respect you, just like you are not automatically obligated to respect us. So, be mature about this. I don't respect you just because you are in the position of authority. Do your job well and respect my rights, I'll do my best on my part and respect you in return. If you keep on repeating saying the things of the same vein, just quit the job already okay? Comprendre?

Jay Chou - Nocturne (Ye Qu)

I've always loved this song. Still do. Just now, Gegel was asking me about this song as she's forgotten the title. I never failed to tear up every time I hear this song or watch the mv. It's very beautiful and melancholic.

An Eulogy, A Lesson For The Living

Yesterday marked the end of a very sad life. I was debating hard on whether to share this and in the end, the need to write won. My maternal aunt just passed away yesterday afternoon in Hospital Selayang due to septicemic shock secondary to left lower limb necrotizing fasciitis. It was a slow, and I would imagine, painful death. To tell you the truth, she asked for it. Literally. She wanted, indeed, welcomed death. She had repeatedly mentioned about this, of giving up life. To her, her life is too full of disappointment, that nothing else that my grandmother and my other aunties and uncles do help. Life is just too painful. Death is an easy way out.

In a way, I am greatly relieved, for her and for my Mama and Nenek (grandmother). They cried so many tears over my Aunt, Mak Lang. So many bitter painful tears. To Mama and Nenek, she was never out of their prayers. At the same time, I am angry, angry at her husband's family, and angry at Mak Lang who gave up life so easily. There is always something to look forward to. Something you'll never know may happen in the future. Maybe a future grandchild, you'll never know. Mak Lang (my deceased aunt) was just too young to give in. She was 48 when she passed away. Too young.

In a way, life had given her many blessings. She was born very pretty, in fact, the most beautiful amongst her siblings. And that is to say, she was indeed very beautiful as my mother is still very youthful looking and very beautiful at her age (imagine my mother having me in her mid-20s and count my age, you'll know how old my Mama is). She was very fair and very vivacious, according to Mama. The thing is, all of this story is a second-hand knowledge, passed from Mama, Nenek and my various Aunties. I didn't know Mak Lang personally or all that well, sad to say.

I only saw her frequently, during Hari Raya (Eid Mubarak) and factor in the years I hadn't managed to celebrate the Eid with my family (around 5 years), so I could say I hadn't seen Mak Lang for about that amount of time. Mama refused to speak of Mak Lang most of the time. I understand. Mak Lang was a sore spot for Mama. Mama is like the head of her family. She worked hard to help her siblings to get proper education and keep them together as a family and Mak Lang was the one who failed to understand Mama's love and sacrifice.

The beginning to an end started when Mak Lang was 17 years old. My maternal granfather just passed away (I think Mama was 18 years old back then, just finishing her SPM, a national schooling exam). If I'm not mistaken, my grandfather just passed away less than a month before Mak Lang insisted that she wanted to get married to her tuition teacher, my 'estimable' (and I meant it in the 'nicest' way possible) uncle-in-law. He's a natural born lecher with perchance of anything that walks with a skirt. He's disgusting-looking (believe me, I saw him the first time in life and I see nothing that could attract any reasonable woman, unless she's blind and an idiot, like my aunt, his second and future third wife, the slut), he's stupid, boorish, lazy and uneducated. Basically, he's the ideal bottom barrel man. He was also the one insisted to get married, as soon as humanly possible. My Nenek kept on saying that she was too young, too immature, she lacked the knowledge to start a family. She wanted Mak Lang to at least finish her high school education, which she never did.

My Nenek and Mama, in deep grief over my grandfather, with the advise of various older family members, allow her to get married due to her stubbornness and insistence. As I said, that was the beginning of an end. Her married life didn't start off auspiciously. I am a great believer in karma. What goes around will come around. I am also a great believer in blessings. Especially blessings from your parents who gave you your life. My grandmother intensely disliked my uncle-in-law from the first sight. She had her reasons, my grandmother. She is very wise, I've learned to listen when she speaks, rare as it is. My uncle-in-law comes from a bad stock. A family that is all that you don't want to be. While we cannot tar a person of the same brush, in this case, and in any case actually (I learned Psychology for 3 years, believe me, I've seen aplenty of truth in this), family history may help predict a person's personality and actions.

My uncle-in-law, his name is Burhan/Borhan/Burhannuding/whatever-shithead-name-that-is, turned out to be irresponsible, abusive womanizer. He never actually took care of my aunty. For his convenience, he deposited my aunty into a mental institution (I believe he drove her to the brink with his physical abuse). He also physically and mentally abuse my aunty. It was so bad that she was hospitalized repeatedly. My grandmother and Mama were so incensed and fed-up with the constant abuse, decided to 'take back' my aunty (the first time she was abused and hospitalized, actually) and lodged a police report. Sadly, my aunty, so used to the abuse (she actually never told her family before the hospitalization, even when Mama suspected) and brain-washed by it, refused to persecute and cancelled the police report. She even went back to the cork-brained husband.

Mama was so saddened, she said this to her idiotic bastard of brother-in-law, "We gave her to you in the best condition, so if you don't want her, please return her in the same condition, in peace. We can take care of her.". And that bastard, his arrogant answer was, "She is my responsibility. Back off.".

Mama took him to his words, she backed off, forever. She never again wanted to know and care. In turn, he abused my aunty repeatedly until late last year, she was in a critical condition due to him punching her so hard in the chest. He also rarely visited her at her home (this bastard has another slut of a wife and now is planning to marry another soon, he even brought his slut to her funeral, can you imagine? And this slut, never learning manners and discretion, introduced herself to my Mama's side of family, claiming that she's his 'high school friend'. They were seen giggling and whispering together all throughout the funeral) and rarely even supply her with necessities such as money and food. When she was pregnant twice, he returned her to my Nenek's house to be taken care of and took her back months after she gave birth. He never visited. He also took her second-born child, my cousin, a girl about my age to give to his sister (another bitch who hides under the umbrella of piety) who was unable to conceive. My aunty tried to get her back, but she was unsuccessful and lodged into a psychiatric institution. The list is just too long for me to enumerate his stupidity, shortcomings and idiotic actions, even up to my aunty's final hospitalization and funeral.

I think, yesterday's funeral is the end of a life that was full of drama and heartache. One thing I feel really really sorry for, is the fact that even when Mama and Nenek kept on saying that they accept this fate (redha) and they forgave my aunty, I think, in the deepest recesses of their hearts, they missed her a lot. They may feel that they could have done more to help her. That they could have loved her more. That they missed so many hints and lost opportunities, they are now so full of regrets. Even if I do tell Mama and Nenek that nothing they do would actually make any difference, I know, they still felt that they should have done more.

I learned that life, with God's guidance and blessings, is full of choices. Once you reach maturity, you have the full faculties to make a wise choice. If and when you are wrong, one should learn from it and try to do better. Life is all about that, trying. There is absolutely no guarantee that our life will always be peaceful and prosperous, no matter how careful we are. We walk, we run, we fall, we get up again and walk. I've also learned about forgiveness, of letting go. Holding on can be more painful for everyone. Letting go may our only option.

Life is also about memories. Physically, one may have left this world, but one's memories will always be alive, if we choose so. I've also learned more about myself. How I could hold a grudge like a miser holding a penny. I cannot let go. I know it is awful to be so outspoken and to me, that's who I am, I have a strong personality. Take me, or leave me. I can be the rudest bitch on earth, but I would say, one thing for me is I also possess a heart. Which something I cannot say about that bastard of uncle-in-law, may he rest in peace. Did I say that he died? Well, cockroaches never die, don't they? They have millions of lives.

To Mak Lang, I know this is too late, I am sorry for never knowing you. I do love you as one would naturally love a family member. You would eternally be missed. May you rest in peace.

With love,

Your niece, Nana and family.

Seduction

I know this should wait for another day when I'm not sleepy and tired but I have to write this before I forgot. I love Elianto's perfumes. I know it's not a well-known brand (in fact it's a local Malaysian brand and it's relatively new. I think. It's less than 10 years old). However, the perfumes are so good. These perfumes are not cheap imitation of other well-known perfumes as they don't stink after about 2 hours of wear and believe me, they last really really long (my clothes and I myself still smell of the perfume at the end of the day).

I bought Seduction. It's an eau de toilette, but I'm impressed by the smell. So impressed that I couldn't stop thinking about it. About how it smells so familiar. Like a perfume I've used before, and believe me, I've been through a whole bunch. I've been thinking on and on, and bam, it came to me. It smells exactly like Ralph by Ralph Lauren perfume. You know, the one with the clear and sky blue bottle. The other perfume (I don't remember the name) that smells distinctly of freshly crunched apples are the exact copy of DKNY's Be Delicious, which let me say, I love so much but I've never had the chance to acquire a bottle for myself (and for the fact that a lot of people I know use this perfume :(. Be Delicious, I mean, not the Elianto perfume, since I don't know anyone who uses their perfumes ).

I'm not crying foul at Elianto. In fact, I love their perfumes. They are great perfumes, as mentioned before. So great, I'm writing something about it :)

P/S: Fooled you with the title, didn't I ;P

Bridezilla, Not Mom-Zilla

I'm not taking sides since it's not my problem and I don't even know the whole truth (story). However, I can kind of feel for the future-mom-in-law. I know people are calling her mom-zilla etc but her e-mail is not actually rude, wording-wise. I've seen worse, hey, I've said worse than that. She's just a pissed off mother of the house, and truthfully, I would be extra pissed if my guest (it doesn't matter if it's family or friends or strangers) wake up late, picky about his/her food (I would actually have the courtesy to ask, so don't say it before I ask, you know the rules. If you are brought up by a proper set of parents, not monkeys), spend more than what she gives and so on.

The future bride should have some sort of basic courtesy, if not manners. You are becoming one of the family, so act nice and responsible. Making the private e-mail, that should stay private (and confidential, mind you. Do you want your own private e-mails to be shared with 100s of people you don't know. You know it's going to come back and bite you in the ass, you bitch), viral is not endearing you to anyone, even to your husband-to-be (especially him). So, what do you guys think? Here's the story:

from: Carolyn Bourne
to: heidi withers
subject: your lack of manners

Here are a few examples of your lack of manners:

When you are a guest in another's house, you do not declare what you will and will not eat - unless you are positively allergic to something.

You do not remark that you do not have enough food.

You do not start before everyone else.

You do not take additional helpings without being invited to by your host.

When a guest in another's house, you do not lie in bed until late morning in households that rise early - you fall in line with house norms.

You should never ever insult the family you are about to join at any time and most definitely not in public. I gather you passed this off as a joke but the reaction in the pub was one of shock, not laughter.

You regularly draw attention to yourself. Perhaps you should ask yourself why. No one gets married in a castle unless they own it. It is brash, celebrity style behaviour.

I understand your parents are unable to contribute very much towards the cost of your wedding. (There is nothing wrong with that except that convention is such that one might presume they would have saved over the years for their daughters' marriages.)

If this is the case, it would be most ladylike and gracious to lower your sights and have a modest wedding as befits both your incomes.

One could be accused of thinking that Heidi Withers must be patting herself on the back for having caught a most eligible young man. I pity Freddie.

Taken from: Shine from Yahoo.

P/S: Mom-in-law, you go girl!!!

Weddings And Marriages

Lately, being at the right age at the right time at the right economic status (I am excluded from this group from all angles other than age), my fellow friends from high school, college and uni (previous one) are lining up their invitations to their weddings. I want to go on and on and on on this topic. However, I'll summarize the topic of weddings and marriages into 3 short sentences:

1. I'm happy for my friends and family. CONGRATULATIONS!!!
2. 'Right time and economic status', is a line I wrote in my head that is not even close to reality.
3. I'm pathetic.

Internet

Yay, double yay, triple yay, super yay, mother-of-all-yays!!!!! We finally have a home broadband installed!!! It's superfast and it's unlimited (at least until the end of this coming August T_T). I'm happy, so now I have to summon all my willpower and discipline to limit my internet use and not to abuse this gift from Baba :) I will use it wisely Ba (or at least without super-abusing it).

Anyway, one thing to note about the application and installation process is how anal retentive I am. Yes, anal. I asked millions of questions, repeating the questions over and over again in various different ways (re-phrase, anyone?) before I let Baba commit to Maxis (yes, we are one of the few early birds who subscribe to Maxis instead of TM's Unifi, that's another story for another post). Then, I kept on calling Mama to ask about the progress of the installation (I wasn't there physically, but hey, I'm there sprititually!). I even talked to the person who came to install our fibre-optic line like more than once.

Anyhow, I learned from experience that I cannot let go of things and I have to handle everything. Delegation is a foreign word to me (hey, I did learn about it, I just don't practice it often). At least when it comes to things I really enjoy and love. Homework and assignments, not so much. Second thing to note is this:

No matter how many pictures I took, it never fails to amaze me. There's only one word to describe this: MESS. Yes, I came to conclusion that it's a jumble of mess of gadgets of only nerds-know-what. Why, dear Maxis, why do you have to use more than one modem or whatsthemathingie for our home broadband? Why do you have to have so many electrical wires (while I do understand the need, can't you be more, uhm tidier than this?)? Please please please the great engineers of this whole wide world and Maxis (specifically Maxis), please adopt a tidier way of installing home broadbands. Please? And why do you even use a TM's gobsmackiethingie? I know you rent your line from TM (or something akin to that), but hey, at least try to paste some other signs on that huge-smack-me-in-the-face TM insignia.

Thank you.

Just Like A Melancholic Movie

I love this song. I've been playing this song over and over again these last few days. I don't care how 'pop' this song is, I love it :)

Doraemon

When I was small, I loved to watch Doraemon. I bought the whole Doraemon's manga series. I even have multiple copies of the same book. They are all gone now, gone with the wind (seriously, I just misplaced them as what a careless child that I am would do). Anyway, the main point here is, I had always believed, secretly, that Doraemon exists. Back then. Adult that I am now, I do realise that Doraemon never exists. Unless....

Anyway, Doraemon has always been my secret hero until I was about 8 or 9. I believed that one day, if I fervently wished for it, I would be granted with my own Doraemon. Of course, when I do have my own Doraemon, I would name him 'Doraemon'. What else should I call him? My Doraemon would grant me all of my wishes. The main thing that I really really want from Doraemon (still do, if only Doraemon or something like that actually exists) is the magic door. Do you remember the magic door? The door that can lead you to anywhere you wish for? Yes, that door.

I'd love to be able to arrive to class on time without the hassle of travelling and all the walking to my exact destination. Travelling all over the world would not be near impossible due to the money and time constraints (money, mostly). I can be at Egypt this friday evening and still be able to be back on saturday for my favourite drama on tv. I can be in Tokyo and find more Doraemons for my whole family.

Anyway, if wishes were pennies, I'd be super-stinking rich by now :) Doraemon never exist but the thing is, I've never forgotten him. He's super-duper cool and he's one of the last links to my childhood that I hope to never lose. He reminds me of innocence, dreams and wishes.