rest in peace

this is a dedication for a few people i've known:

1. michael jackson - u used to be my hero when i was growing up...i love ur songs and u are indeed a great entertainer...
2. zachary gravatt - a fellow classmate who used to sit opposite me in pd tutorial...been widely known as 'party boy'...very congenial and relaxed...though i didn't know u well, i remember u...i remember ur white golf shoes (it made a huge impression on me, i told rachel about it) and i remember ur lucy...i'm sorry that so many dreams will remain unfulfilled....may u rest in peace....

especially to zach's family and friends, my sincerest condolences...

priorities, priorities

talking about what i prefer to buy if i have 15 bucks will open up a thousand avenues that have nothing to do with practical matters...i don't have extra 15 bucks now but i do have to spend that much of an amount on something that is unavoidable...my charger is officially dead as of yesterday...my my mobile phone's battery is struggling for air, it's power is almost exhausted...thus, i need a new charger to recharge it's flagging energy...sadly, i put the need to buy a new charger under my list of 'things i really don't want to waste money on but i do have to do it before i go wonkers'....yes, it's called priority....


in this beautiful season called sale season, i had to battle my natural inclination to put that at the bottom of my priorities list...i'd rather spend that precious 15 bucks on shopping...with that amount i can buy 3 beautiful new tops or one pair of new jeans or one black belt at portmans....that's my wish...but alas, not everything is acceding to my wishes and dreams....i need that charger...not because i can't live without my mobile, it's for emergency's sake...i realise mobile phone is indeed important for certain matters, like texting friends when bored (yes, that's called bothering people, but what the heck, i'm bored, i need distractions!), setting morning alarm since my internal body alarm is currently not working (and probably never will hence) and yes, calling my dear crazy family weekly!


so, in the dawn of comprehension, i do have to spend money on the darned charger, even if i wish i can buy those things i listed before (this is called opportunity cost, the cost of the next best alternative that i've given up, i learned in econ)...bye bye 15 bucks, so long!i'll miss u!

give me the money!

have u ever wished for miracle to happen, so bad, that even though u have stop believing in fairies and santa, u secretly pray to have ur wish come true?okay, that sounds convoluted...anyhow, that's what i feel about money...i know, i know that we have to earn them but somehow, i can't stop believing...i keep on logging on to my bank account online, hoping against hope that someone will put money in it...not that i need the money, i just wish somebody will give me some!i don't know why, but i'm pretty sure this is common for almost everyone walking on earth, that money makes us happy....


knowing that i have money, i feel safe....no matter how meagre the portion is, as long as i have it, i feel secure with the fact that i have it...recieving it makes me rapturous...even 1 dollar makes me fall to my knee, thankful for the wonder God bestow me!hehehe...that's why, i always hope that i will get a surprise everytime i check my account...not that i happens a lot...but it does happen...


funnily, i remember, i think this happened last year, that my scholarship provider/the bank had mistakenly deposited around NZ$ 4 000 in a lot of the scholars' accounts, including yours truly...since i'm the type who check my account almost daily (u know just in case i see some suspicious withdrawals or something), i was flabergasted when i saw the amount in my checking account...i knew that we were not supposed to get our trimonthly in another month's time and there was no reason that my scholarship provider would give us that much so suddenly!so that amount was shocking...i stored the money in my online account, just to be safe and contacted my scholarship officer...yup, not surprisingly the bank rescinded the money on the next day...


i knew the money wasn't meant for me but i somehow felt the twinge of dissapointment...*sigh*...i would be NZ$ 4 000 richer if the money was indeed a surprise gift from heaven, or in that case, scholarship provider...anyway, surprise money will always be welcomed!i welcome thee, money, with open arms!hahahaha...

kids

small kids are so adorable!i am rarely in contact with children (despite my various small cousins) and am well known for a non-kids type (compared to my estimable mama, jaja, gegel and even alin!)...my small cousins don't know what to make of me and i think one of them are even afraid of me (acik mani's youngest daughter, who is around 8, i think...and for some reasons i never managed to remember her name)...ah she's a small snob anyway (can u imagine, she is so very talkative to mama when mama picks her up from school but snubs mama in our family social function as if she never seen her before???such snobishness for someone so young!)...


anyhow, my affinity for kids aside, i love my casual job (it was a one-off part time job with my uni for the incredible science fair, a science fair for kids)...my job was to man a help-desk, general freebie bag-and-ballon runner, setting up and cleaning up...it was a tiring 9 hour job, but i really love it...the kids are so adorable and cute, i felt like gobbling them up, or at least pinch them in the cheeks until they are pink!one of the things i remember was the questions...boy they are endlessly inquisitive and it seems to me their font of questions never dries up!but it was great!i feel like a big sister who knows best...


another aspect that i really love is giving away the free goodie bags and ballons...boy i feel like santa!the small kids (the ones around 3-8 years of age) were mostly shy...they were looking at me so intently with such big eyes, some of them looked as if they were going to cry if i say 'boo', as if i could read their mind (and what they had in mind was having a balloon!)...i would look at them in the eye and smile and say 'would u like a balloon?' and they would nod their little cutesy heads vigorously!so cuteeeeeee!!!and their parents or caregiver would prompt 'what should u say to the nice lady?' and they would timidly burst out a 'thank you' or 'please' (the please part is soooo unexpected and thousand times adorable as i had already given them the balloons!)...i would smile and say 'have fun' chirpily (who can guess i can be this chirpy?FOR THE WHOLE DAY!!!) and for the case of 'please' i would laugh and say 'thank you!' in turn!hehehe...what a lovely day!

recipe of the day - simple spanish flan

one of my friends commented that i should write the recipes of things i've cooked here...i've shared my panna cotta recipe before and now it's my spanish flan's turn...most of my dessert recipes are gotten off the trusty internet...most of my favourite malaysia dishes recipes are gotten from my dear mama (i love her food!she's such a great cook!)...okay i got this recipe online from various sites (i combined them all together)...sorry again, got no camera so no pictures...but i'll steal somewhere online!hahaha...

spanish flan recipe

ingredients:

• sugar (for caramel) - 1 cup
• evaporated milk - 1 can
• condensed milk - 1 can
• vanilla essence - 2 tablespoons (usually 1 tablespoon is sufficient but i hate the smell and taste of eggs so this is a great way of masking it!)
• eggs - 4 (can use from 4 to 6 eggs, since i stated before about my feelings towards eggs, i use the minimal amount)
• butter - a little bit to grease the pie pan
• boiling water
  

cooking material/utensils:

• whisker (u can use an electric whisker, since i have none, i use the good old fashion metal whisker...oh blender can also be used, me, too lazy to clean up my blender afterward)
• big mixing bowl
• pie pan
• larger baking pan (that is at least 1 1/2 inch deep so that it can hold water in)
  
• measuring cup
• knife
• pan
• spatula
• big plate (concave so that the caramel sauce doesn't spill)
• baking oven

preparation time: around 5 hours including chilling time

instructions:

1. make the caramel. on a medium heat, constantly stir sugar until it completely dissolves and turn golden brown. don't stir it on high heat or leave it too long as to prevent the sugar from being burnt. this usually takes around 15-25 minutes, depending on the heat.
   
2. as fast as u are able, pour the caramel on the butter-greased pie pan and spread the caramel around the side and bottom of the pan rapidly as the caramel freezes rapidly. don't worry if it's not spread evenly but try to cover the whole sides and bottom, at least. and don't worry that the caramel will harden as it will melt when baking.
3. break eggs into mixing bowl and whisk them. add vanilla essence, evaporated and condensed milk and mix them well.
4. put the custard filling into the caramel covered pie pan and put the pie pan into the larger baking dish in the oven.
5. pour in boiling water into the larger baking dish, ensuring none of the water gets into the flan mixture. ensure at least and inch of boiling water covers the pie pan. this is to prevent the caramel from burning.
6. bake flan in 176 degrees Celsius for around an hour or 1 1/2 hours.
7. test the flan by poking the knife through various locations and if none of the flan sticks on knife, the flan is done. remove flan from the hot water bath to cool on open air about 1-2 hours. flan should be jiggly in the middle.
8. after air cooling, cover the pie pan with saran wrap or aluminum foil and refrigerate flan for at least 3 hours.
9. to serve, cut the edges of the flan so that it can easily transplanted into a plate. put the large plate on top of the pie pan and flip the pie pan over rapidly to avoid spillage of the caramel sauce or the custard from being crushed or spilled. hold both pie pan and plate using both hands. percuss the bottom of the pie plate so that all flan is detached from the pie pan. leave the extra caramel (the harden layer that sticks on the bottom of the pie pan) and don't scrape it.
10. voila!

judging a book...by it's cover?

how do we judge a book is good enough?is it entertaining enough?is it informative enough?is it intelligent enough?i have a standard that i upheld to decide whether i deem them good enough to enter harley's library of favourite books...these are the criteria:

• uniqueness - i read thousands of books (no exaggerating here, it's too true, written words fascinate me more than moving pictures like movies or dramas) and after that much of exposure, it's too easy to discern which is gold from dross...anyway, some writers have a knack in putting words together to make such simple sentence or story fascinating...one great example is a book titled rebecca by daphne du maurier (one of my all time favourite author)...i read it over and over since i was 12 and by the second read i realised that the authour had cleverly hidden the main character's name (the narrator)...who is rebecca, you ask?read it...i promise it will worth ur while!
• tickle me funny - i also love funny comebacks or cleverly constructed sarcasm...i love humour in general...the book may not be funny in it's entirety but if it has an ounce of gentle humour or sarcasm somewhere, i'll be there to appreciate it!one of the authors who has never fail to entertain me with her own brand of humour is susan elizabeth phillips...yes she is a romace author but her books are so good, the deserve to be in the list...i remember one scene from nobody's baby but mine (it was that funny it permanently eatched on my head)...jane was so bent on getting on cal's nerve, she purposely picked out all marshmellows from his favourite cereal (he especially loved the marshmellows)...3 boxes of them...and she taped the cereal box together so that he wouldn't detect the tampering...then she strewn the marshmellows in his car...when cal found out, he was so incensed blurted out 'i married a cereal-killer!'....oh it's not funny when u read this but u seriously have to try at least one of susan's books and u'll understand!
• mysterious - mystery always gets to me...it makes me impatient but i stick to the book until the end just to know what happens...or at least have some idea what's going on...one writer that is good in mystery and suspense is michele jaffe...u would never guessed who the real culprit is even though it could be so obvious even towards the end, at least to u...i was stumped on each of her books, so far...i've yet to read her latest books but yup, i'll definitely get my hands on these babies...they are super great!
• family complex - i love reading about families and how each characters deal with them...some families are exasperating but u still love them...some of the are so heartbreaking i cry buckets of tears just reading about them...lisa kleypas maybe a romance author but she touches family issues like no other...some of her books make u see clearly that while u can't choose ur family, acceptance and understanding are 2 most important ingredients in unconditional love....
• personal issues - i love tear-jerkers of any kind...it is especially known in romance books...i can safely say i've cried litres of tears because of romance books...personal issues and tragedies include depression, mental problems other than depression, feeling of being unloved and rejected, feeling of utter worthlessness, poverty, death of loved ones, delicate issues such as rape and child abuse, health issues and so many other things....i can list thousands of authors here but i'll try to list a few whom i remember now...mary balogh, susan elizabeth phillips, lisa kleypas, sherry thomas, laura lee gurhke and brenda joyce...
• intelligent read - some books are fascinating just because they are intelligent in it's simplicity or just plain clever...i can't explain this clearly...some books i just love which comes under this section are folly by laurie r. king and the alchemist by paolo coelho....they are beautifully written...while folly is a difficult and complicated book to read (takes weeks to finish it up), the alchemist is so simply written, they are both brilliant...some other books uses simple stories that just touched u...somehow the hidden meanings behind the whole book become relevant and apparent to u...
• romance - i can never leave this out of my list!!!i love happy endings...while i've read my share of unexpected endings or death of main characters and still love those books, happy endings just makes me feel all mushy and happy...u can hear me saying 'my whole life is already realistic enough/sad enough, i want my share of happy endings, however trite/cliched they might be!'...it's true...one of the reasons people read is to escape reality, or at least find some measure of calm, or to find that humanity and happiness still exist somewhere, somehow...julia quinn and carolyn jewel write good solid romance...
  

this list is quite comprehensive to me...i love books of any forms, be it literature (my absolute favourite is pride and prejudice, of course, by jane austen and little women by louisa may alcott), or children's books (my favourite is and and what katie did series by susan coolidge, nancy drew series by series of authors under psydonym of carolyn keene and enid blyton's books) or teenage books (the sweet valley series by francine pascal and stephenie mayer's twilight series, duh!) or romance or fiction or sci-fi or any other types, i love them all!



p/s: i noticed that most of my favourite books were written by female writers...then again, female authors tend to write differently from their male counterpart (actually each writer is unique but somehow there's a marked difference observed in writing trends between 2 opposing genders)....female writers i tend to favour write about issues closer to my heart, i'd guess ^^

if that's not painful enough...

women sacrifice a lot on the altar of fashion...the price of things like jewelries, even costume jewelries, shoes, tops, dresses, pants, bags, make-up and other odds and ends can pay a third world country debt...that's for a girl, not a number of girls, just one...the cost of stuff for a year for the whole world population of women can prevent world economy downturn for 100 years altogether (without considering other economic factors, of course)...for example, young girls in japan work 30 hours a day (part-time) just to get the latest louis vuitton bag...i keep my weekly food budget at minimal (so minimal that it can only buy 2 lunches if i were to eat out using the same budget) just to have extras by the end of my allowance trimonthly, so that i can shop...


lots of women wear clothes so thin they are practically aren't there...observe young women especially asians anywhere on earth where winter is cold...u can see lots of them wear something so insubstantial i wonder all the time whether their body has some acclimatization going on so that they got used to the cold like some alien race...some of us wear things that are so tiny, they are almost like small napkins wrapping around our poor bodies like buns covering sausages...some clothes are so tight, we can barely breathe, let alone do any other sorts of miniscule movements...observe hollywood leading ladies, socialites and models...enough said...


the ultimate sacrifice is shoes...shoes aficionado are called a shoe-whore....yes, we even have a label...that's how cliche we, shoes lovers, have become...we wear shoes so high that they make us stumble when we walk...most of them are painful and so flimsy that we slip and fall at a drop of a hat...forget arch support...that concept is an non-existant in our ultimate book of fashion...we shop for shoes like we need to eat our daily meals...


yesterday, i bought these 2 divine shoes...one pair are cotton-based covered peekaboo flats in pink with white piping at the edges and a bow on the front...another was a black faux shiny leather and velvet heels...breaking them in are simply horrendous...i had to be stupid and wear them both on the same day, one pair in the morning, another at night...the first ones caused me some dreadful blisters and chafed the back of my foot so badly i really felt like throwing them away on the way back home...the second pair were actually good fit but because of earlier's blisters, i get lacerations...huge lacerations...i internally screamed when i washed my feet later (can't scream loudly, wouldn't want to wake the neighbours up huhuhu)...i could even see my back feet muscles since the skin covering it was peeled away...it was that painful...


*sigh*...i am guilty of almost all of the fashionistas demands mentioned...i wish i know better but alas, i will probably still do them until i see the light...

collection of odds and ends

pack rat, that's one of my secret personality...i'm pretty sure most people don't realise this...but it's who i am...i can never discard anything...ask jaja and gegel...i got boxes full of junk that i can never manage to be part with...i remember i collected stuff from when i was 9 and still collecting...


things that i keep include tissues from restaurants, hotels and theme parks (heck i save them just to remind myself i've been here and there!), ticket stubs from plays and movies (i know it sounds psycho but i rarely watch movies, i watch like maybe 1-2 times a year, i'd rather spend money on shopping or food than watching a movie that i can watch online huhuhu...so that's justified) and recipts...omg!i got tons of recipts that i'm pretty sure have faded and deserved to join my other wastes in the waste bin!


lots of people said i have so little stuff when i got tons and tons of them...they just don't see them...the super secret is, yup...it's a super secret...thus no peeking....anyhow, i think the 'disability' of chucking stuff away is my endearing trait (says who?says me!)...i am fond of stuff...when u don't have much anyway, u tend to hoard...i have this thing, that i think i may want to use some of the stuff i keep so i keep them for future use...up until now, i went and reuse probably only around 5% of these stuff...i can never even chuck my old torn and tattered clothes...


proof 1: i have 3 skirts that have torn hem and tears...i still keep them, hoping one fine day i will wake up and mend them...from this i learned to sew and mend clothes and linens...it seems to me almost all of my clothes will experience some sort of tear in their lifetimes...from loose buttons to torn hem, i know how to mend them all...i love all of my clothes...yes i regret some of them (impulse buying and i found later this or that dress makes me look bloated and pregnant but i still keep it) but i still love them...i pay money for them so i keep them no matter how tattered they are due to wear and tear...


proof 2: i even keep the boxes of stuff that i buy...i keep my laptop box, printer boxes (my sister said she can even hide in my printer box, that's how big it is taking space in her room underneath her bed), perfume boxes, heater boxes, present boxes and any sort of boxes as long as they are intact and are able to keep stuff in them...hey, they are useful for me to put all sorts of odds and ends i manage to keep...


proof 3: even containers cannot escape my collection...i collect plastic food containers from my take-outs...this is good as i reuse them for future use (reuse for the environment...oh yeah...err...)...other sort of containers such as water bottles and shampoo bottles are also part of my odds and ends...i can't seem to part with things...


i can list thousands of proofs of my 'pack-rat' behaviour but let's end it sweet...let's say i'm an avid general collecter shall we?

my babies

when i was still a child (pre-adolescent coz i was 9 then) i still remember the feeling of the excitement of the unknown when i knew i was going to have another sibling...i don't exactly remember how i knew i was going to have one but i somehow knew...my parents are not exactly the type of parents who share things with their kids...they don't do the birds-and-bees (aka sex) talk, they don't tell us where we are going (if we are going somewhere) and they don't usually answer our inccessant questions (i remember my mama's silence, it was horrifying)....now when i am who i am right now (in my 20s), i realised my parents are exactly who they are...they are not the perfect parents, i admit, but who in this world are?but they are my perfect parents....they let us grow to be ourselves...they don't restrict us and they trust us...in turn, we love them and we always come back home to them, no matter what...


anyway, reading about kids and how they prepare for new siblings reminds me of myself all those years ago...i was very excited (though i wasn't sure i showed it) and i was mindful of my manners (lest i annoy my mama hehehe)...i remember mama getting tired a lot...and fussy and getting into tempers (lord help my hubby when i get pregnant, i'm pretty sure i will follow mama's footsteps)...i also remember touching mama's belly, asking is my little sister/brother in there right now...it was a wonderous experience...i wish i remember more....when my sister was born (it was alin back then), i think she was the most beautiful baby in the world...i was protective of her, even though i didn't take care of her as much as i was supposed to...when aboy was born, it was a different experience as he was our only boy in the family...he was a nice baby as he cried a lot less than alin...


i love my little babies...they are beautiful babies...they grew up into beautiful boy and girl...they are intelligent, inquisitive, active and everything a sister wants them to be...i love indulging them and love to hear stories of them (usually relayed by my mama, jaja and gegel, without fail)...i hope my babies will continue to grow up to be good people and they will always be my babies (see how obsessive i am about my babies!!!!don't grow up!be as cute and innocent as u are!!!)...

this and that - a matter of deep thoughts and shower

i admit i am as shallow as a puddle...i refuse to think of things that matter such as world peace, war, poverty, politics and world economy...my justification: my life is already hard as it is...i talk a lot...most of them are things that doesn't affect anyone, not in what really matters...anyway, why do i suddenly become this deep?nah...not that deep...just thinking...i've stumbled across some blogs that touch upon important things such as racism and what-not...me?i'm content to talk about things that i've read and seen, (which is not impressive so far, i admit) my conversations and whatever that interests me at that particular moment...


why do i suddenly sound defensive?not really, i'm bored, i just filched one of evie's instant coffee packet (and feel guilty, will ask for her permission asap) and it's like 630 in the morning and i have no one to bother....it gives me too much time in my hands and that's a health hazard...i tend to go deep and well, it's not good...anyway, i really need to contact angie (for all of u all's info, that's my elusive apartment agent) about that light bulb in my shower...it gave up for ghost and girls and shower, it's a frightening combination...i need my shower desperately!!!


ah i remember now (this got absolutely nothing what-so-ever with the things i said earlier here)!!!i was doing my exam...all was fine and dandy...but u know, exam and health don't go hand in hand...u get sick a lot (at least i do, i got runny nose every time i'm having exams, i don't know why but i just do)....runny nose is very disgusting and snorting is not a best option (u can imagine my exam neighbours glaring at me, the noise is distracting)...so i had to ask for tissues...the lady who passed me the tissues seemed reluctant to go near me...i think she wouldn't touch me with a 10-foot pole...i guess it all boils down to the massive uni warning about the swine flu...they even reminded us to not attend exam if u are suspected of the flu...well lady, i'm pretty sure i'm not having the swine flu, just the exam flu...does that mean i may be excused from exam?hehehe...