Saturday, March 6, 2010

anxious

u know when u get overly paranoid (paranoia itself can be categorized as an 'excessive' behaviour), once in a while, like when u think that there's someone outside ur door at 3.56 am at night when u are woken by some strange noise...that kind of paranoia...a few days ago fazan n i got this new folding table from peter, our landlord (many many thanks peter!)...it came in a box so we had to throw the box away...


being lazy (there's no other reasoning behind this behaviour other than slacking off...seriously), we threw the remnants of the box into one of the green rubbish bins in the common kitchen...actually, all tenants are supposed to throw our rubbish into special bins in the rubbish room downstairs... slackers that we are (or me, most probably...fazan might've just followed along), we didn't make the effort to throw the box in the rubbish room...


being willfully ignorant (or most probably just to lazy to care) we threw the rubbish in front of 17 others (this is a random number, please do take note...the number could be between 3 t0 50) who were, at that time, cooking dinner...then, there was this big guy...he looked kinda scruffy and being large, he of course looked very intimidating...after throwing our rubbish fazan stopped by a girl she knew to talk (the girl was cooking)...i stood by listening...this guy silently approached me (i didn't actually noticed until he was like 30 cm away from me) and admonished me about throwing rubbish in the bin....


i was properly chastised...i was so scared i kept asking fazan afterward whether i should pick the rubbish from the bin and throw it away in the rubbish bin, as i should...repeatedly...i also mentioned to fazan, again repeatedly, that i felt that the guy was waiting, observing me to pick the rubbish from the bin...i was, in no other words, anxious and paranoid...


was i that important (or that beautiful) that the guy would actually stare at me all the time?...was the guy obvious scruffiness indicated menace while he was actually being a good tenant reminding me of my duty to all (of not stuffing my personal rubbish in the kitchen rubbish bin)?...well it was a lesson learned...one of life lesson to always be remembered: 1. never judge a person by his outward appearance; 2. never ever ever ever think that i am that noticeable that people will stare at me...lesson learned, learned really well...anxiety sometimes actually never pays...hahaha...



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