Sunday, April 26, 2009

tying the knot

marriage and weddings...this is a topic that has absolutely nothing to do with me...i never have a significant other and will probably not have one anytime soon within a year from today...probably because i haven't even try to talk to any guy within 10 km radius from me, well apart from my course coordinator anuj coz i have thousands of questions (i think he's sick of me now)...yesterday i was talking to nadh online (it's a frustrating talk, yup my internet has gone wonky...again) and she updated me with the latest news...apparently, 8 of my contemporaries (high school friends from the same batch, the survivors9802) are already the proud owner of the title of wifey to this date...a few are tying the knot this year and another few handful are getting the engagement ring on their little fingers...


an here i wonder...am i being left behind?no, i have no real desire to commit now (maybe someday, around 4-5 years from now?will that be much too late?)...but i kinda feel envious to those who already found their 'the one'....they must be less lonelier...but then again, marriage takes a lot of effort...effort is not my forte these days...more like work hard and play harder!anyway, i love the idea of being half of a person, belonging to him....it sounds beautiful...whatever life throws at u, u can always have someone to turn to, who knows every goodness and weaknesses of urs, and love u anyway...don't get me wrong here...i love my family and they know everything it is about me...but they know u since u are born and accept and love u readily...having a significant other is a whole different level of intimacy to a stranger...he is a virtual stranger at the start of a relationship...and u gradually get to know him and even after marriage, the process of getting to know resumes...u can be frustrated or delighted by the new things u discover about him but he's urs anyway...i guess because of this romanticized view of marriage, i am a romance junkie...i love happy endings...there are already too much unexpected and unwanted twist and turns in real life, happy endings or beginnings sound very auspicious to me...


in reality, i am very realistic....i know happiness is a very fleeting feeling...a lot of events in life throw u from ur safety net and no, average people don't smile as soon as they open their eyes in the morning and keep smiling until they close their eyes in sleep...we tend to have an array of emotions through out the day and happiness contributes to ur average may be around an hour or two or more or less, depending...okay the whole point here is marriage is something i see myself committing to in the future...but i am well aware that it also takes a lot of courage and work to make it a working institution...especially in the area of compromise...in this, i believe, i am not ready to give and take...i am very selfish and i wish to have 'my time' and time to give back to my family before i share my life with someone else (not that there is a beloved someone out there who is itching to ask for my hand, i am well aware of my position...and no i'm not that irrisistable, more like resistable than the other way round)...ah but it's lovely to think of marriage and sigh over it...*sigh*....




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